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|
Session #136b - February 26, 1994
NETSOK FELLOWSHIP RETREAT -- QUEST FOR THE SACRED SELF
Peace Meditation Saturday Morning (8:00)
(Began with three Aa Oo Mm's; invocations of Khamael, "I am eternal life"; Gabriel, "I
will Divine Will"; Tzadkiel, "Divine mercy, love, and compassion are infinitely
reproduced" {3 times}.)
GLORIA: Let that invocation revolve through your beings. Let the tissues of your
body feel and respond to the sounds of the words. Let it fill the whole cup of your being.
And then right here in this room from the center of your being let that Mercy, Love, and
Compassion flow from you into a big pool right here in the middle, right here in this
room. Feel the energy collecting. Each of us individually putting our emotions of mercy,
love, and compassion into that rich pool of healing. ....
As you feel that energy move through you and into the center of the room, think of the
blue green color, beautiful blue green sparkling color. And visualize to the best of your
imaginative capacity the blue green color swirling in our midst, building and building and
building like an effervescent wine. ...
Use your hands to mould it into a big ball of beautiful healing, sparkling blue green
energy, a big ball, effervescent moving energy -- it's not static, it moves, and it's alive.
Now while we have this precious energy here in our midst, let us give thought to those
members of our group who are absent, those who are in need of healing. Let us bless
them in our hearts that they can draw on this energy to use as needed according to their
own declaration. Think of Myra, and think of Peter, and think of Marlayna.
And now as we are together, let us each take back some of that healing energy for
ourselves, so that we can remain strong, and cycle it through our centers and back again,
being healed, made whole, being cleansed by it. Just imagine it coming in through your
head, and down through your body, and out through your feet. Keep recycling it through
you and feel the cleansing of your mind, of your emotions, and of your spirit, and your
body. ... Take what you need to be whole, and give back love. ...
Now as we think of mercy, love, and compassion we tend to forget that incorporated in
those three words is FORGIVENESS. and we said "mercy, love, and compassion, and we
forget that we must not condemn anyone for what they do, because everyone is doing
what their VOLITION allows them to do. And if it does not meet with our approval, that
is our problem. And so, we must forgive. We must in truth send out our mercy, love,
and compassion.
Now let us let that energy begin to move out from this room, out through this whole
house, through the grounds, out through the surrounding mountains. Just see it moving
out in ever enlarging rings of beautiful blue green effervescent energy of healing, of
mercy, of love, of compassion. And as it moves out it moves all around this globe; it
forms a blanket like the atmosphere around the globe. And our Earth is cradled in this
wonderful healing energy. And those who need comfort find that comfort. And those
who need healing find that healing. And those who will take of this energy may have all
of it they want.
Now, let's add strength to it, and conscience, so that as the leaders of the world are
exposed to this energy that we have sent out, they will find the strength of their
convictions to stand by the ethical and moral codes of conduct they have accepted in
taking on the role of leadership. That they will come to love this Earth, protect it, nurture
it, renew it, and will begin to use their power to heal all of this dominance that is being
exercised, so that the dominance becomes benevolence... That the guns of war are no
longer heard, that stomachs are no longer empty of food, that the sick are no longer
denied what they need in the way of medication and health. And most of all, that the
empowerment of the mind is encouraged in all people, to become self-mastered, to
become self initiating, to become true to one's self, and to make that connection with the
Sacred Self in the higher realms.
And as we think in these terms, we can begin to feel the energy of the Temple Teachers
who come in to support us and lend their strength and energy to our effort. And we begin
to feel the Earth respond to the love, to the mercy and compassion. And she begins to
renew herself. .....
Gently bring your focus back to this room, and this wonderful field of energy that we
have created. Take of that field of energy. Allow it to enter your being and fill you up so
that you feel whole, and joyful, and creative, and self sustaining. Now once again, let us
bless the loved ones that we thought of earlier, that wherever they are at this moment,
they have been helped, they feel better, that their day will be loving and joyous as ours is.
... And then as we close our meditation, let's keep this field of energy in this room. Let's
keep this wonderful healing force in our midst, that it will clarify our thoughts, it will
cleans our emotions and heal our bodies so that we can take away from this retreat
something important, something that will enable us as we go through our days to follow.
.. Now, if you have taken in all of the energy you can hold, bring your hands with palms
together in front of your heart chakra. Blink your eyes and bring your palms together.
Take a deep breath.
OK. We have to eat in shifts.
Saturday Morning Session (9:25)
Take a moment to restate true communications among all of us between us laterally and
between us vertically.
OK. This morning we're talking about WEARING, SHARING, and CARING. What do
you think the Teachers meant when they said "wearing"?
SIDNEY: Wearing the body? (GL: That's one facet.)
MAXINE: Wearing a smile on your face or wearing your facial expression.
GLORIA: Alright, you're talking about wearing as though you are carrying
around something. What other connotations does the word "wearing" have?
OWEN: If you wear well with your surroundings and your associates. (GL:
And?) Congeniality.
GLORIA: Congeniality. Cooperation. How well do you wear in life? How long
can someone stand to have you around?
GAYLA: That's putting it very bluntly.
GLORIA: Well, when we're talking about tolerance, we're talking about the other
guy being tolerant of us. We're talking about “How well do I wear?” It's my
responsibility to be lovable. If I want someone to love me, then I've got to be lovable.
And that's something that our kids are not being taught now. They are defiant and angry
because they feel that they aren't loved. They have never been taught that to be loved,
you have to be lovable. They want to be told in some way that they are totally accepted
no matter how rotten they are. And then we get to that point of tough love that someone
was talking about last night. That's too late when you have to get to that point.
Now we in our generation here are not in position to train youngsters, with the exception
of Kim and Jeff who are just starting out on this road of nurturing a young being into a
mature spiritual being. But we must take responsibility for ourselves, no matter how we
might have been trained as youngsters. So the very first thing we are going to examine is
HOW DO WE WEAR?
Question 1: On a scale of 1 to 10, ten being maximum (10 you wear really well, others
like to have you around), give yourself a rating, you don't have to tell anybody.
Have you all rated yourselves -- how well you think you wear -- right now? I don't want
to give you criteria until I know that you have already told yourself something. OK?
Now, start in another place or on another sheet of paper, and rate yourself from 1 to 10 on
question # 2: HOW MUCH DO YOU NEED TO BE RIGHT? (always need to be right
is 1) (some grunts and whistles) Did I hit a tender spot? You're judging yourself. How
much do you need to be right. And when you have judged yourself, we'll discuss it.
We're still talking about wearing. Do you have to have the last word? Do you have to be
the first one to think of something? Are you the one who has to have credit? I'm just
asking you some questions so that you have some criteria upon which to judge yourself.
You may have said in the beginning, "Why, I wear very well. I don't need to be right."
You may have rated yourself "very well". But when I say to you, "Do you need to
control the conversation? Do you need to have the last word? Do you have to be the
authority?
3. On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being maximum (least need to control), how much do you
think you need to control any given situation? This is number three. Whatever the
situation is -- with your kids, with your spouse, at work, in a conversation in a store,
whatever it is.
OK. Let's talk about issues of control. Where do you see yourself in this hypothetical
situation? A casual encounter -- you're in a store and you meet somebody at the
vegetable counter, and their fingering all the vegetables. How strong is the urge on your
part to say, "That one is better than this one"? "I pick them this way.This one has
more nutritive value than that one does." In other words, what is your urge to butt in?
Let's take a domestic scene -- a casual conversation. The other person says, "I saw on TV
where so-an-so did such-and-such." How strong is your drive to go them one better?
"Yes, I already saw that.Yes, I know that.Well, in addition to that, this is what I
know." Do you understand what I'm saying to you?
How about with your kids? Most of us have adult children. How much on a scale of 1 to
10 do you need to control the conversation or the situation, or whatever it is with your
kids? If you don't have children, then think in terms of nieces, neighbor's children.
This is still #3. How much you have to dominate the situation. Are you willing to let
someone tell you all about a situation that you already know all about, and let them have
the glory of telling you? Or do you practice one-upmanship -- you've always got to have
the best knowledge, the most intimate knowledge, the most experience, the greatest
wisdom -- you dominate the scene.
GAYLA: How did you do on this test for you? (laughter)
GLORIA: I beg your pardon. I couldn't hear you. (question repeated) Now who's
dominating? (Gayla was "just wondering") Not well. (more laughs)
#4 Alright, number 4. On a scale of 1 to 10. How much are you at peace with
yourself? How serene are your days, and your nights? How often during the day do
things irritate you, in general? Now I realize that some days are going to be good and
some not so good. But as a general rule at your level of function today, what is your
level of irritation? How minor a thing does it take to upset your equilibrium? How big a
catastrophe would it take to require your entire focus of attention, or how small a
catastrophe? If you drop the milk jug while moving it from the refrigerator to the sink,
does that destroy your day? (GAYLA: Not unless it's the 5th thing that happened.) You
think you've got everything under control and the day is just going great, and someone
calls you and tells you something that you don't want to hear, does that destroy your day?
(VIVIAN: On a day like that, I'd get a one.)
JEAN: I'm not straight on how you rate that. If it doesn't take very much?
GLORIA: You're about a one. OK. If you've got it all under control, and nobody
can knock you off center, you've got a 10 -- serene. 10 is good, 1 is not.
(response to unheard question) However you set up your criteria, you're doing this. This
is your barometer. I'm not going to be making any judgments or telling you where you
are. You're going to find that out for yourself.
#5 And the last question is: What do you own that you would die for? Not
your children -- what do you own. I will tell you a story. When I matriculated at
Berkeley, I went at the last summer session that they gave at the end of World War II. At
that time Santo Tomas (?) in the Philippines had just been liberated -- the 11th Airborne
had flown in and brought our citizens out and they were coming home. And we had a lot
of young people from Santo Tomas coming to school there. And one of them came to
live in the dormitory where I was housed, and we became very good friends. So she was
telling me what it was like in that 10 minutes that they had. They had an underground
radio, and they had an inkling that this was going to happen, but they didn't know when
or how. And all of a sudden the loud speaker began to blare, "You have ten minutes to
load on the trucks." Then all of a sudden here were the trucks coming into the
compound. She was in charge of the small children in the camp, so her first priority was
to get the kids on the trucks -- she wasn't worried about anything else.
To give you some background, these are orthodox Jews, a family of orthodox Jews in the
import-export business. She was raised in Hong Kong, very wealthy. Interned for three
and a half years in Santo Tomas in the middle of her teens. She's now approaching 19,
and all of a sudden she's got freedom -- they're going to be sent home to America where
she was born. And what do you think her mother grabbed? You'll never guess. (several
tries) No, her husband's brass spittoon. (GAYLA: In the big fires in L.A., people took
computers and afterward wondered what they would do with them.) What do you have
that you would die for? Those people risked their lives for that property. And remember
that what you do without thinking is where you are on the scale, because when you're not
thinking, you're not on PURPOSE, you are in INSTINCT.
Now, how do you think this relates to WEARING?
GAYLA: This is kind of rating of your personality, but that is how people view
you. And if you don't have a bunch of 10's up here, you're going to be pretty wearing.
MAXINE: You sometimes view people as being superficial. (GL: Do you?) Yes.
GLORIA: How wearing do you think that is? (MAX: Not very wearing.) You
don't think its wearing? If I were regarded as superficial, I don't think I'd want you
around very much. Do you see what I'm saying about WEARING? What you put out, is
how you wear down the other person's resistance to you. Remember that as an
incarnating entity, your first and foremost obligation is to establish your space. When you
are in the company of someone else, you have to share space -- you share their space, and
they share yours. How well does your space wear with theirs? Does your space wear
them away like water against a rock, do you erode their self confidence and their self
image and their sense of capability? How do you wear on other people?
MAXINE: I want to disagree with you about "superficial". If somebody is
superficial, that means that things that are really important don't count. They want all
that glitters that is gold to count rather than what's really important.
GLORIA: And that's why I said to you, "I would not want you in my presence if
that's the way you regarded me", because that would erode my sense of myself. Because
I do not believe that I am superficial. That's what I'm talking about -- how your attitudes
toward other people upsets them. How do you wear on other people? If you do not
appreciate, increase in value, their sense of self worth, their sense of being "on purpose",
their self image, then you wear them down instead of building them up. And the more
you wear someone else down, the more you diminish yourself, because you take away
from them, you've got to fill the space.
BETTY: I was looking at it from the way Maxine was looking at it. If somebody
is superficial, you can be with them for days or weeks and never bother anything. But if
you get down to where somebody challenges your belief system, your knowing or
something, then that's much harder to deal with -- if they speak their truth.
GLORIA: OK. You're going beyond what I'm asking you to do. I'm asking you to
evaluate yourself as the wearer. How do you wear other people? Do you wear them
down, or do you wear them up?
BETTY: I'm having a problem with this in the light of codependency. I'm a lot
less wearing on my husband if I let him say or do or control anything. But in turn, I'm
very wearing on myself.
GLORIA: That's how wearing he is.
BETTY: No. No one can do it to me if I don't allow it.
GLORIA: That's the point of the workshop.
BETTY: OK. All we need to have now is a blueprint and a column -- this is OK,
and this is not OK. (laughter)
GLORIA: Oh, it doesn't work like that, Aquarius, I'm sorry. No I'm not, that's the
way it is.
BETTY: I feel that I do not wear well with people because often I speak my
truth, which makes other people very uncomfortable when I say "Yah, but.." But if I
don't speak my truth, then I wear myself down.
GLORIA: OK. That's exactly what I'm getting to. I'm not suggesting that you all
be "likable" -- I'm not suggesting that at all. It depends upon what you want out of life
that you have to structure yourself in a certain way to be "on purpose", to be on your own
PURPOSE, and not impinge, or impose, or infringe on the other guy's right to his space
and to his own purpose. Whether he is there or not is not important. (Comment: That's
quite a load.) The Teachers never promised it was going to be easy. But how do you
establish the parameters of your space if you can't identify the space you've already built.
And that's all I'm trying to help you do. I am not trying to exercise any judgement here.
JEAN: I have an experience going on that I think illustrates this. Most of you
know that I'm alone. He (Tim) doesn't like to be called a psychosome. (laughter) There
is 50 years difference in our ages. In an experience with another person in my own
home, one of the big things that comes up is use of property. When you asked, "What
would you die for?" I put down "nothing". But there are a lot of little things -- for
instance, one of them is that I have a whole cupboard full of cups and saucers and mugs
and glasses. I rate them different ways. The blue ones make a set, and I don't want them
broken. The white ones that don't match I don't care about -- use them for everyday
things. I haven't communicated that, and so my young friend took one of the set out of
the house and left it at another person's house. I asked about it. Pretty soon it was back,
and he related he'd left it at a friend's. He hadn't noticed it was part of a set. It also
bothers me when he puts silverware in the blue ones. Finally I told him that I valued the
set pieces. Another person before had put some of the set in the garden.
GLORIA: OK. We're getting here into the area of sharing, rather than the
wearing.
JEAN: That's part of the wearing because of the irritation.
GLORIA: You have to judge your wearing -- how you wear -- what's your level
of irritation. It doesn't matter what the circumstances are at this point. We'll get into the
sharing in a minute.
JEAN: But I'm letting the person wear on me because I don't communicate.
GLORIA: We're going to discuss that under "sharing". Right now, we are talking
about what we do, what we personally think, what we care about, what is important to us,
what our priorities are. Is it important for me to have control over every situation? Like
right now -- it's important for me to have control of the group. And it's my job. You and
I made a contract when I sent you the invitation. And you paid me to come and learn
from me -- we made a contract. You expect me to give you something, to give you
something that you can take away and use later. So in that way it's my job to dominate in
this instance. It's not my job to dominate when we're not in class. Then I'm a person,
separate and an individual from this as teacher. OK, as teacher in a position of
dominance, you would have granted me by the agreement of our contract, that I can wear
on you, I can annoy you, I have the right to irritate you, because that's how you learn. If I
don't make you uncomfortable, you're going to sit there and go to sleep -- unless I get you
up to sing and dance. And then we have a good time, but do we fulfill the contract? Do
you learn what you came here to learn? You don't.
So put yourself in that position in your life. Where is the time that you have the right to
dominate the situation? When is it right for you to have the last word? When is it right
for you to set up the rules?
Now we get into the SHARING. We each have roles to play in any agreement. Sharing
always requires contract. And remember what the Teachers said about contract -- even
the unspoken agreement terms must be kept. If you aren't smart enough to set forth all
the terms of your agreement and know for sure that the other person understands, then
you have to experience the consequences of your own action, which is what Jean was just
describing. She did not tell that young man, "This is this, and that is that. And you are in
my home, and I expect you to comply." Had she told him, he probably would have.
JEAN: And he does, now. He's very aware and respectful.
GLORIA: We have socially a certain set of standards that are common to us. We
are generally speaking of the same area of cultural belief, from the younger edge to the
older edge. So there are certain mores that we observe, because we have been taught to
observe them -- things about rudeness and courtesy and taking care of other people's
property and being polite. Sometimes our social mores require behavior from us that
we're not quite prepared to accommodate. (table manners suggested) Those are artificial
rules. But they are rules set down by man's consciousness and awareness that makes
sharing more comfortable. And when the rules get beyond the point of comfort, then
they are no longer of any use. But we tend to hang on to them. It's like: What do you
have in your possession that you would die for? We tend to have mores, social rules that
we cling to desperately so that if they were taken away, we would experience chaos and
uncertainty. We depend on these socialized civilizing rules for our social security. That
is what enables us to live in communities, to exchange goods and services, to get value
received for value given.
JEAN: One big difference that we have is that I am from the "saving/using" area
and he is from the "throw away". And that's really a big -- it shows up in a lot of ways.
We're both changing. We're beginning to recycle.
GLORIA: One of the things that we are all a part of, is the national consciousness
of built-in obsolescence. Everything is expendable including people. We have lived in a
fairyland dream that our national leaders were not corrupt. We were the one nation in the
entire world where everybody has total individual freedom, and none of our leaders stole
a penny. Oh, those terrible Asians. They're so corrupt, they steal all the medicines and
they sell them on the black market. And oh, those awful Russians, they've got
penthouses and their mountain lodges, and there's those poor people down on the street
with five families living in one domicile. We were so arrogant and so condescending.
And where has that gotten the United States as a wearing entity? How well has the
United States worn in its world position? (the ugly American) So bring it down to
yourself. What is there in your makeup, in your cultural conditioning that you can
dispense with because it's no longer valid? One of them is this "built-in obsolescence"
idea. The idea of recycling is extremely valid. Isn't that what's happening in
REINCARNATION? Aren't we recycling and reusing all that we have learned, all of our
skills? I'm not talking about how well we are doing the job. But you see the concept of
recycling comes from far above us.
Conservation is not an original idea with us. The higher realms have been conserving
forever or we would have never made it this far. The FOOD CHAIN is a wonderful
example of that. And Silverthistle went to great lengths to tell us about that.
Conservation of assets. You examined yourself about how well you wore on other
people, and you said, "Oh, I'm easy to get along with, I'm pleasant, I'm congenial, I don't
try to dominate the conversation, I am an excellent host or hostess" -- whatever you may
have said about yourself as far as wearing is concerned, I want you to look at now in
terms of sharing and honesty. Now, Betty said, "I don't wear well on people because I'm
blunt -- I speak my mind." We must be aware of how much our honesty is in actual fact a
thief in spirit.
The Teachers have told us to always be true to ourselves, to speak our truth. But we must
be aware of the potential thievery of spirit, if our speaking our truth at a particular point
in time is going to diminish that person in his own mind. No matter what you think --
this is what I was talking about last night about the Initiate -- the first command that the
Initiate obeys is silence. No matter what your truth, you don't say something that is going
to diminish the other person in his own eyes. And, boy, that's hard, because you see these
arrogant sons-of-guns come around, and boy, don't you want to knock 'em down.
BETTY: That isn't truth, that's opinion. You're knocking somebody else down --
that's not truth. To me, speaking a truth is what's right for you inside of you, and it
doesn't have anything to do with another person.
GLORIA: Then why did you have to speak it?
GAYLA: I think the only reason you would have to, is if someone particularly
asked you to tell them what your truth is.
GLORIA: Then it wouldn't be diminishing, and it would not be wearing.
GAYLA: So if you are asked, you can speak. But who cares as long as you know
who you are.
GLORIA: That's the point. The Initiate knows who he is and does not need to
speak.
BETTY: What happens to good discussion groups at Owen's and Maxine's?
GLORIA: You come together in a mutual agreement -- you have contracted to
speak. And in that situation, then, you have contracted, one of the clauses in your
contract should be, "I will not be affronted by anything you say. I will not take
personally anything that is said in this group." You are confident in your own truth. It
won't matter what anyone else says. They can call you names, they can tell you you are
terrible, and they are diminishing themselves.
KIM: Does that mean that you are not accepting their energy, so it hurts them
and not you.
GLORIA: Sure. It just comes right back.
JEAN: That's a real hard one. I think I have a lab going on at home. I found that
I do not take criticism well. He was disapproving of me, and I had to work that through,
instead of he was just telling me, informing me. So it was the feeling in me. And now I
am to a point where -- we're over that. But it's a real hard one to work through.
GLORIA: That is one of the hardest, I think. It certainly has been for me. And
I'm not talking about just my relationship with the group here, but all of my human
relationships -- my parents, my siblings, and my children. To have that sense of self and
knowledge and firmness in my self confidence that I don't feel criticized by the way they
behave toward me.
JEAN: The need for unconditional love.
GLORIA: The need for their support. We look to our family and our friends for
support. And when it isn't there, the implication is criticism, because of our own self
doubts.
MAXINE: I think sometimes it can be misunderstanding; this can come when it
isn't meant as criticism, it's meant as giving out information, but it's taken as criticism.
And then you have a misunderstanding.
GLORIA: The misunderstanding is the result of it -- that's true. What I'm saying
is that there won't be any misunderstanding if you are that confident in your own
knowledge and truth of yourself that whatever opinion is expressed by someone else does
not wear on you. And you expect them to be as sure and certain of themselves, that
whatever you say does not wear on them. When a person takes affront, that's that
person's problem. When you are in a group where you have come together and agreed to
speak the truth, to discuss things, to express your opinion and your ideas, whatever they
might be. That's the agreement that you have made. But that's not the agreement in
every situation in your life. And you have to live with every situation of your life. You
have to take what you find in this situation to help you get through some other situation.
JEAN: That is an awfully hard point that you're talking about.
GLORIA: Life's hard. Nobody promised you a bed of roses, you know.
KIM: Doesn't that get back to how the Initiate validates self and only says
harmless things?
GLORIA: Exactly. That doesn't have point or substance or property or meaning,
but it is the way it is presented. That's why I asked you all to judge yourselves. I'm not
asking you to judge each other.Judging another person is diminishing yourself.When
you place expectations on another person, you diminish yourself. No one should live up
to someone else's expectation. You should only fulfill your own expectations and set
those expectations within reachable goals. That's why we talked last night about don't
say, "I'm trying". I am doing, even if it's only one step at a time. If it's only this moment
or this hour or this day -- that's how people of addictive personalities can supervene the
addiction and change their behavior patterns. They never cure the addiction -- the
addiction remains, but they behave differently about it. One step at a time. Say, "I am
doing this now."
GAYLA: This goes real heavy into living in the now.
GLORIA: Exactly. Commitment and flow -- what this weekend is all about.
BETTY: One other question -- we're saying expectation of others, but then it gets
into being the sticky wicket when there's a contract and the expectations from this
contract.
GLORIA: But are the expectations realistic? That's another criteria that you have
to look at. We have an American dream, it's a cultural dream that you get married and
you live happily ever after. There's not one person in this room that believes that to be a
truth. That's a fairy tale. It's too bad that they have Cinderella riding off on the white
horse with the prince, and not saying that she's still got to do dishes somewhere down the
line. We've not taught that we are setting ourselves up for unrealistic expectations. We
sign that marriage contract, and we think we've got this sewed up in a bag.
GAYLA: It doesn't take long though. (hilarity)
GLORIA: OK. The hope in the situation is, as the Teachers have told us, all
contracts are renegotiable, right now. If you wanted to renegotiate the contract this
weekend with me, we could renegotiate. You could say, "I want it to be this way instead
of that way." And we could renegotiate the terms of the contract. We could change the
allocation of time and activities. And I will sit and listen as you sit and listen to me.
BETTY: Oh, I would like to renegotiate a contract. We had a sharing group last
night, and we mulled it over in the group that I needed and wanted a large group
feedback.
GLORIA: We're going to have it. We need to cover some points first that will
come up in the discussion.
JEAN: Before you go on, would you tell a way of changing your own self
contract? The point at which I pushed a button in you, and you said, "That is true." I
mean, to yourself. What have you done to change that in yourself? I mean specific
things that other people can do.
GLORIA: I think we will get into that later this afternoon.
OK. I'd like to cover one more point in this sharing, and that is PAIN and
PUNISHMENT. We tend to live in the context -- I need to modify that. We in this
group are an elite group. We have been studying for years to be spiritual beings in a
human body. But as a human being living a spiritual life, how do you rate yourself in
terms of pain and punishment? How often do you inflict pain on yourself through SELF
DOUBT? How often do you punish or attempt to punish someone else because you
didn't satisfy your own goals? It is a human condition to want to find somebody else to
blame when you overlook something -- you didn't quite go far enough in carrying out the
task and it failed -- you want someone else to blame. Where do you stack up on a 1 to
10? At 10 you never blame anyone but yourself -- you always take responsibility for
your actions. You never say, "If that door had been closed by whoever went out it last, I
would not have stumbled into it in the dark. When your responsibility was to turn on a
light.
I never will forget the time my brother blamed Kissinger for his flat tire. (laughter) "It's
the blankety blank government. They put so many rules and restrictions on that the
rubber's no good." He was so angry because the tire was flat and he didn't have a spare.
So you see, we can laugh at what seem to be ridiculous things. But they are everyday
actual human events. Why does a man come home from his job frustrated and beat his
wife?
GAYLA: She made him do it.
GLORIA: I love you. Why do you make me beat you? That is at a very gut level
life style. And as I prefaced this, we have been working for years to live as spiritual
beings. But we are still into pain and punishment. If we weren't, we wouldn't be under
the LAW OF DOMINANCE.
How often do you cause yourself physical pain because you at some level have a sense of
failure? How often do you catch colds? How often do you cut yourself when you are
using a knife? Think of the "accidents" that you have. Remember, there is no such thing
as inadvertence -- these are all signals to you that you are causing yourself pain through
some sense of failure. You may be resenting what you're doing, and your failure is that
you didn't speak your truth to say, "I am not going to do that. That's not my job, but in
the spirit of martyrdom, do it." Whack! I almost cut this finger off. I have a big scar
there because my mother decided that she wanted to take a nap, and I was hungry. And
so I had to cut the loaf of bread and myself. Whack! Of course it took me 50 years to
understand that's why I did that. Because then I could run into the bedroom and say,
"See, Mama, see what you did." I didn't say that. I screeched "I cut my finger off." How
often do you cause yourself pain to get attention, or to punish someone? Of course it
goes deep, but the Initiated goes to the bottom of things and brings it all out. He knows
his own truth.
GAYLA: The question we are rating is exactly what?
GLORIA: How often do you think you cause yourself pain, or punish yourself?
How many accidents do you have? How often do you get sick? How sick in your life
have you been? Do you have accidents with your car?
GAYLA: I wasn't even in it. (laughs)
(break)
GLORIA: This workshop is based on the premise that each of us as we know
ourselves is a representation of a SACRED SELF manifest in this Earth condition.
LEN: Could you define exactly what you mean by Sacred Self?
GLORIA: Some people call it oversoul, some people call it Jesus Christ, some
people call it higher self. The goal of the workshop -- this is my goal -- is to present tools
of information, insight, and understanding for each of you to become more self aware and
enriched. That's my goal for this workshop. My hope is that you will target areas of self
misunderstanding that prohibit or inhibit you from shaping your own fate within the
bounds of your destiny. And that's what I've been asking you to do as I ask you to rate
yourself in the little group sessions that you had last night where you, I hope, gave each
other some positive reinforcement by seeing those characteristics of an Initiate in the
other person, and today, when I asked you to judge yourself on a scale.
These things that I talked about this morning are things that prohibit and inhibit you from
shaping your own fate. You come into this life with a DESTINY. There is a certain
potential in you as an individual, and you can't get outside of that, but you can shape what
happens. You can shape that potential into your FATE. You can shape your success.
You can shape your enlightenment. You can shape these things. You are not a victim of
circumstance. You are bound by a DESTINY, and that destiny has been by choice.
Now, I say, "You chose." That "you" includes all the you's that you are a part of. It is not
this little personality here that chose -- you're the result of that choice. The SACRED
SELF in connection with all of the advice available to it elected to adopt a fetus that is
now the body that you're wearing with the genetic code in that. You are as much bound
by a spiritual destiny as you are bound by having white skin or blue eyes. This workshop
is all about your targeting those areas of self misunderstanding that keep you from
shaping that fate and fulfilling your fullest potential.
OWEN: When you say "destiny", this may not be a specific objective as much as
it is taking advantage of the environment in which you find yourself?
GLORIA: Sure. It's just like the barge in the river going with the flow.
Obviously the barge can't go with the flow if it's got to take whatever it's hauling up the
river. It has a goal; it has a destination; it's going someplace. How it gets there depends
on the self awareness of the captain of the ship. You are the captain of the ship; the
Sacred Self is the captain of the ship. Alright, if the sailors don't obey the commands of
the captain, is the ship going to get to its destination as the captain wishes? No. It could
get off course, it could be too late -- all kinds of things can happen if the crew doesn't
follow the command of the captain. And your Sacred Self is your captain. And the
Sacred Self knows all there is to know about you -- this little bit of you -- knows what
your destiny is, does not know the shape of the fate you are going to make of it. That's its
job, to help you, as a personality, shape your fate.
OWEN: But isn't destiny the potential (GL: That's right.) the potential goal. But
you've got many alternatives.
GLORIA: The barge can only go on water -- it can't go overland. There is no
portage for a barge.
BETTY: But at least they have lights marking the channel. So do we, I guess.
GLORIA: So do we. That's just an analogy. But you are bound by your destiny
as that barge is bound by the water and the mountains on either side of it.
OWEN: I was thinking of a definite goal destination point as differentiated from
the varied experiences that you may have in one area or type of living.
GLORIA:OK.That's the difference between Fate and Destiny.Destiny is where
you are going; Fate is how you get there. Sacred Self knows where you are going, knows
what your mission is, knows what the SOUL INTENTION is that you are an out-
picturing of. The Sacred Self knows how you are going act upon the Soul's Intention or
fulfill the Soul's Intention under the Law of Dominance.
Now remember that there are other parts of you that are fulfilling this Soul's Intention
under the laws of Sandalphon, Raphael, Haniel -- you're in all of those.
JEAN: Do you say there is a part of us that already knows it, and we're trying to
touch into that part?
GLORIA: You are trying to connect with it. You're trying to tap into that
wisdom. Because you as a minute personality of the Soul, have free choice within the
boundaries of your destiny.
JEAN: This is like "answers" in the back of the book.
GLORIA: Yeah. OK. Let's discuss what happened in your individual groups last
night. Let's have some complimentary comments, the good things, the progress towards
your destiny that you have made that you found in your little groups last night.
LEN: For me as an individual, through discussions and listening, I found out
that I was learning more about what joy really was. As much as I've been told to have
joy, have more joy, joy, joy, joy. I'm getting a feel for it now.
GLORIA: Wonderful. That is a real step on the path to Initiation. How can you
live JOY if you don't know what it is. And this is what programming can do to you. We
have elected to be born here in a country that's founded on the work ethic. As a matter of
fact, Phyllis and I were talking about that during the break. We spend our time thinking
or flagellating ourselves because we're not scrubbing the floor, because we don't get
enough money in the bank, because we're not working. We think that every minute of
every day has to count for some material result, and when it doesn't, we have failed. And
we're guilty. There's no joy in that Mudville. You've struck out. The joy is knowing that
you're success does not rely on a clean kitchen floor, clean dishes in the cupboard, or
money in the bank. Jenika was told that she didn't even have to work for a living, but she
hasn't learned to believe that yet. You do not have to work for a living. Your work
should be your joy, and then it gives you abundance. If you don't like what you're doing,
then quit doing it and find something that gives you joy. Because that's where the real
money is. And you'll find that the bank account builds up with no problem. But it's got
to give you joy. But if you don't know what joy is, how do you know what the heck to
do? You don't. So you do what you progress to do. OK. Somebody else.
GLORIA: Didn't you get anything out of last night. I know you are all on the
path. Tell me something that make's you more special than people that aren't consciously
on the path.
JNANA: I'm supportive of others.
GLORIA: Very good. That's great.
MAXINE: I'm learning.
GLORIA: Wonderful.
GAYLA: I am effective at communication.
CLISTA: I am learning to live intuitively to bring to me what I need for
knowledge. (GL: Yeah!)
OWEN: I'm developing harmony with nature.
GLORIA: You are not developing it. You've been doing it for years.
BETTY: I would suggest you could say, "I am in harmony with nature."
GLORIA: That makes a good affirmation for you, Owen. In your quiet time. As
we've discussed over the years, you've said, "My mind gets off onto other subjects, and I
have difficulty in meditating." Just take that quiet time and say, "I am in harmony with
nature." And feel what that means to you. Visualize the walks that you've had through
the woods. Visualize the efforts that you have made towards conservation. Think about
the good things that you have contributed to our forests and to our ecological balance.
And that's an excellent meditation for you individually because of your background,
because of your mental orientation, because of the things that you're interested in. And if
you only spent 2 or 3 minutes once a day doing that, you would soon find that that
became 5 minutes, it will become ten minutes, and very soon you will find that you are
actually aware of the Deva as a physical thing, for instance. Because of your harmony
with nature, the Deva will make itself known to you.You do not hear or see Devas
unless you are in tune with the thing that the Deva controls.
OWEN: I had a bit of manifestation of that recently. It seemed that for several
weeks every time I would go out and work in the yard, whether I was chipping brush or
digging or whatever, there was a beautiful little thrush that always appeared and would
run around within 3 or 4 feet of me, and just stay there regardless of what I was doing.
Regardless of what part of the yard I was in, pretty soon here would be the thrush.
GLORIA: Now here is a strong example of progress. Ten years ago, Owen would
have given you a description of what happened, and would say, "But I don't know what it
means. I don't think it means anything -- the thrush is just there." (laughter) Now he
sees it's having meaning in his life.
OWEN: I would have said, "Gee, I saw a Swainson's thrush in the woods."
KIM: I'm on the path with my Purpose.
GLORIA: Boy, that's a power house.
KIM: I know my purpose, but I'm also open to the fact that I may just be
glimpsing it and not know it all yet.
GLORIA: That's good. Saying that I am on the Path acknowledges that I am
doing something now. So that's very good.
JEAN: I am becoming more aware, experiencing more, loving more, learning
more, teaching more, healing more.
GLORIA: So you see yourself as incorporating all the years of your experience
into the enrichment of now. That's good. Go ahead Phyllis, tell them what you told me.
PHYLLIS: I said that I am glad to be here because it gets me away from my home,
which I really, really love, but it seems like when I'm there I'm thinking of all the things I
should be doing. And I use a lot of quiet time to think about that -- to plan into the
future, on what money I should be putting away, how I should be putting it away, where I
should be putting it away, what it should be doing while its there, how often I should look
at it to be sure its doing what it's supposed to be doing at that time. So it seems to me that
coming here takes me away from all those things that happen in my house while I am
home. And it occurred to me that for many years I have internally been making fun of
friends who have get out of town to get away from things. I always thought that was silly.
We have a nice home that we love so we don't go out of town. But while I'm there, I'm
always doing this thing, just like my friends were doing that had to leave town to get
away from it. Now I'm not any different than they are.
Anyway, here I am getting away from things, and I am going to go back to town and
make sure that the quiet time is truly quiet time, as opposed to all that time given to
planning for what could happen and how it should happen and all of that.
GLORIA: OK. Now put that into a positive statement. "I am living now". Go for
it.
BETTY: I started off with "I am an Initiate". I have peace of mind and serenity
of heart. I just marked off "I give myself quiet time and time to ponder. I express my
gratitude to the Universe." I crossed that off and put down "I am quietness; I am grateful
to the Universe. I am willing to seek my truth." Then my stomach goes into a big knot.
Oh, yah but -- you speak your truth and you'll get into trouble. OK, I am going to accept
myself. I am willing to see my mirrors. I am forgiving of myself. I walk my path with
joy and thanksgiving. I am willing to walk my path one step at a time (but I would prefer
quantum leaps).
GLORIA: OK, may I suggest that you cut out the "I am willing to". This implies,
"I am willing to, but I'm not actually doing it." So you say, "I am doing it". I am
serenity. I am speaking my truth. I am whatever it is, instead of I am willing to do that.
What you're saying is that I'm cooperative but I'm not doing anything about it. You want
to put it into a positive, present tense action.
BETTY: I worked with that some, but what I was getting was that there is
something sitting on my shoulder yelling louder than ever, "You're lying, you're lying,
you're lying." And I could see my nose growing. So I came back to the willingness to
open up the door.
GLORIA: All right, then try to work on it in smaller bites. One of the
characteristics of your nature, your genetic general nature is to take things in too large
bites. Because you can see the broad scope, because you can see further the
consequences down the line than a lot of us who are very near sighted, you tend to set
goals for yourself that are not reachable. And you are constantly saying to yourself, "I
am a failure because I haven't reached those goals." So you say to yourself, "I am
quietness now". You're not saying to yourself, "I am willing to be quiet next month or
next year or whenever". That may or may not be true. In fact, you may be anticipating
something that you know is not going to be true. So "Right now I am quiet." Right now
I am serenity. Do you understand the difference in the language there?
Reduce the "willing" activities to a one bite sort of thing where you can say "I am" for at
least part of it.
BETTY: Some of them I can, but some of them I cannot. I can easily change "I
am willing to be a student" to "I am a student". "I am willing to be a teacher" -- that has
to be willing.
GLORIA: No, you are a teacher. Being a teacher doesn't mean you have to be up
in front of a group. Everyone that comes into the post office that you treat with respect
and kindness and generosity in spite of whether or not they can speak your language,
whether or not they know what the heck they're doing -- every time you encounter
somebody like that with your attitude of kindness and generosity, you are teaching them
that that's the way life should be.
BETTY: It's hard to be a teacher when you're directly confronting interpersonal
problems at home. It's much nicer to be easy going and not say anything and be accepted
because you are "lovable". But being lovable is not always in the cards. (with great
emotion)
GLORIA: OK. Let's look at something here. Let's modify this a little bit. It
depends on where you want that love to come from. It depends on the enlightened rating,
if you will, of the person with whom you are dealing at the time. And the Initiate, of
course, does not need the moral support, the encouraging words, the reinforcement. So
we're not there. We all need that from each other. But we reach a point in certain
situations in our life that we have created by either non-statement of contract or over
statement of contract -- hidden expectations. If you're going to renegotiate a contract, it
doesn't take both people to agree to renegotiations at the beginning. One person has the
right to say, "I'm not satisfied with this contract. I do not like this clause. I do not like
what you think this clause is. I don't like what you expect out of this contract -- that
wasn't in the agreement." That is a legitimate thing to do. You are seeking your truth.
"You do this, that hurts me." You have a right to say that. You have a right to say to
anyone, "I do not accept your addressing me like that. I deserve better." And in that way
you are a teacher.
Because it wakes the other person up to what they need to be doing. They might not even
be aware that they are being unlovable, that's their mode of operation, and no-one has
ever challenged it. Or if it has been challenged, it's been challenged by somebody that
didn't count. It didn't matter whether the person cared about them or not. But when
you're in a close relationship like marriage, it counts. The other guy counts, or you
wouldn't be there. And that's why, if you're going to be a teacher and help the other guy,
and if you're going to make your own space and maintain it, and find comfort and joy and
love in that zone, you have to speak your truth no matter how uncomfortable it makes the
other person. But you are teaching that other person. So when you say, "I am a teacher",
you can say to Roger, "I won't have you addressing me that way", or whatever it is. That
is being a teacher. And it is opening the way to renegotiate the contract. Because if you
say that often enough, he ultimately has to come around to the point of, "Well, damn it,
what do you want?" You see? Even if he comes into it angry and resentful. At least he's
talking, he's paying attention. He's not just walking out or pretending that everything is
all right.
Remember when you clean house, everything has to be made into a worse mess before
you can make it into a better order. And that happens in the negotiation of contract,
whether it's a marriage contract or employment contract, or any kind of a contract when
there's a disagreement between the members of the contract, there's always going to be
chaos before there is again order. And that is why the Initiate speaks his truth. And right
now it is painful because you are not in that eighth key. (Serenity) None of us are. None
of us are. We still cry, we still carry a lot of pain. And a lot of our pain comes from the
old traditional values we brought up into adult-hood from our childhood from
grandparents, from our great grandparents. "Well, it's always been done that way, for
goodness sake." It's time for new things to be done, new ways. We're never going to
make it into the Netsok Age if we keep doing it the way we've done it for centuries.
JEAN: And another one, I think, is not feeling worthy -- that of accepting self
worth.
GLORIA: That's right. If you don't accept yourself of being absolutely worthy of
a full partnership in any contract, you're not going to get any terms in that contract that
are totally satisfactory to you. You will have much more compromise than you really
want. Does that help you any Betty?
BETTY: My nose grows from this one too -- I trust the Universe.
GLORIA: Yes, that's a real toughy. That goes back to what I said earlier. You do
not have to work to have money in your bank. Now that is without a doubt the most
unbelievable statement that you can make in the United States of America. But, how
many multi- millionaires have lots of money in the bank and they play on the Riviera.
How do you think that happens? They will tell you the story of "Daddy worked for it".
That has nothing to do with it. They didn't work for it. (several contributing: They
believed that it was there and always will be. So it is.)
BETTY: To show you my trust level of the Universe in the past. I feel it's karma.
What if it's karma?
GLORIA: All right. KARMA is part of DESTINY. You can shape the fate of
karma. ... Remember that karma is a static thing -- it's either a relationship or events or
something of that nature. But consciousness changes that and brings it into flow. So you
shape the flow. You are the river's banks. Remember how either Judith or Sheariam
described to us what Michael represents -- the river confined by the banks of its own bed
which it made. So if you want to change the banks of your river, you work at it, you
flow. Isn't that what the river does? Isn't that how water causes erosion, by the force of
the water against a resisting object -- sand or rock or dirt or whatever it might be? How
was this Gorge built? If you want an example, just look out the window. That is power.
And that is your power. You can shape your own FATE, and nobody can stop you. Only
you can stop you. If you do not have everything you want, it's because you believe more
in the lack of it than you do in the have of it.
You can use the UNIVERSAL POWER for the minutest details of your life. You can set
your goals so large, so far, so advanced that in the working toward them you fatigue
yourself, you work yourself out, you use up all your resources, you feel "I can't take
another step". It's when you get down that far, you realize that something has got to help
you, and you're willing to say, "God help me", in our traditional language. When you're
saying that, you're saying, "OK Universe, take over. I can't cope with it." And the
Universe will. The Universe has no judgement on you. But the Universe is not going to
flow you; you have to allow the Universe to flow through you. You're like the river
bank, and the universal power is like the water. You have to allow that passage.
GAYLA: Perhaps Betty is running her barge up the wrong stream.
GLORIA: No. My friendship with Betty has taught me that Betty expects far too
much of herself. She's an Aquarian. As I pointed out, and Aquarian sees the wide scope,
sees the ideal situation and wants to make the ideal the reality. But they don't want it in
time; they want it yesterday. And this is one of the characteristics of Betty's life that she
has had to always struggle with --immediacy, impatience, and wanting too much too
soon. The Aquarian does not know how to take one step at a time. They want to take the
whole universe from here to there. They are the water bearers. And Netsok is getting
very impatient.
BETTY: I think, well, 36 years of dairy farming is not upstream, it was through
the manure.
GLORIA: But there again, you see in the contract you were there because you
contracted a marriage, and you accepted the decision.
BETTY: The dairy farm in itself is not the problem -- yes and no. The dairy farm
ucked the life energy out of so many other things. Living on a farm, as far as I'm
concerned, can be ideal if society had not come into the situation where it is.
GLORIA: Understood. But back when you as an Aquarian saw what the pattern
is and that "we need to get out of this", you didn't renegotiate the contract then. You did
not have the strength of self image to say to Roger, "This has got to stop now, not 3 or 4
or 10 years down the road when we are that much further in debt". Now I'm not blaming
you, don't misunderstand me. The fact that you came this far -- you're not at fault for
that. I'm just saying what you could have done sooner. But there is no point in being
retrospective about something -- it's done. That much has flowed. The bank has been
formed by that much flow, and in that time you have come to know yourself better, have
gained a great deal of wisdom, you know a lot more about what life itself is about, and
what you have a right to. So now you are better equipped to what you might have done
earlier had you been as well equipped then.
JEAN: You speak about trusting and the Universe. What is the process that you
have to go through to really trust in the Universe? GLORIA: Experience -- it's
like learning how to walk. You cannot prevent an infant from attempting to walk, can
you? We cannot prevent ourselves from attempting to learn to trust the UNIVERSE.
That's part of our nature. That's part of the over-all destiny of mankind, to climb the
mountain. But as aware individuals, you can begin to teach yourselves to trust the
Universe in little ways, and one of the nicest ways, I think, is to always have that parking
place right in front of the door.
JEAN: When you said that, I thought about my always having two seats in front
of the speaker in the second row at any kind of a lecture. The other night I dreamed
about my two seats being there. But my son said, "You're not doing it scientifically." So
I'm up now to, I think, 106 times against about 5 when they haven't been. And some of
them have been in most unusual circumstances. At one with my husband, we went but
were late. He said, "You go in and get a seat, and I'll park the car." And I said, "OK.
Meet me in the two seats in the front." He didn't trust me. He went up in back, and the
seat beside me sat empty. The room was dark when I went in there, but the seats were
right there and I went right to them.
GLORIA: It's like when Len and Gayla and I went to Wisconsin a couple of years
ago, we went to Yellowstone Park not intending to spend the whole day. It was right in
the middle of summer and every camp space had been reserved for a year, every hotel
room was taken -- there was absolutely no place to lay your head. And we found
ourselves in the Park, unable timewise to get out of the Park and get over that huge
mountain that we had to go over to get to a decent place before maybe the next morning.
Gayla walked up and asked for a place, and they said, "No. We've been booked for a
whole year. There is no place." You finish the story Gayla, you're the one that did it.
GAYLA: We talked a minute and debated what to do. And Gloria says, "Why
don't we ask again?" I went up and asked again, and she says, "I just had a cancellation.
There's a room with a double bed and a single." Do you want it?Of course." The
charge was minimal. The room was wonderful.
JEAN: I have one that was even funnier. We were going with a group, and I
invoked that I would have a window seat in non smoking. I got up and got my ticket.
They said they didn't have any place. There was a little commotion. They said, "Wait
just a minute. They've changed planes. Yes, you can have it." I felt, "What's going on?"
I was sure it was coincidence, but I wasn't sure.
GLORIA: As you practice this trusting the Universe, you're going to be absolutely
amazed at the ends to which the Universe will go to fulfill your desires. And it is not that
anyone else is inconvenienced. The Universe has the power to make it happy for
everyone.
GAYLA: You know what I've discovered though is that you have to state your
desires.
GLORIA: Oh, didn't they say, "You have to demand of us."
GAYLA: If we just go assuming it's going to be there.
GLORIA: When you get practiced, you don't consciously think when you leave
home that there is going to be a place for you.
GAYLA: OK Source, I don't want to have to use chains on this trip. Because we
didn't buy any.
GLORIA: Now, if you had bought chains, and said, "I don't want to use chains on
this trip, but you didn't trust the Universe enough and you had prepared yourself with
chains, you probably would have had to use them. You see, you defeat your own self.
You say, "I trust you." But then (overlapping conversation)
So trusting the Universe is a tough, tough thing to learn how to do. But it is such a
wonderful way to live your life, to have things just delivered into your hands. Things that
you don't even know you need at the time. I have a lot of stuff given to me, and it may be
years before I need it. But sooner or later it has been given to me for a reason.
LEN: While we're on the subject of trusting in the Universe -- this thing that I
do all the time for protection of the house and property or whatever, that's got to be in the
area of trust also. The only time that my car was wrecked was the day that I didn't do
that. So that must have been to get me to… (GLORIA): make you pay attention.
GAYLA: The interesting thing was that we had just bought the car. There was a
basketball backboard up on the garage driveway that had been there for years and years.
It was dilapidated and ugly. I went out one day, and it struck my eye, and I said, "I'm
going to take that thing down." The next day, afternoon or night, we had a horrible wind
storm -- it blew fences down and all kinds of things. The only thing it did to our house
was blow the backboard off the roof. But it landed on my car -- not a scratch, not a dent,
nothing. He had done his protection around it. There was no hint that huge heavy
backboard had hit the car. But when he didn't do it there was $3,500 damage to the back.
It works.
LEN: (something about "automatic assumption of")
GLORIA: There gets to be after a while, but there are some things that that's not
true. The hazards may continue. For instance, you've all heard me say that when I get in
my car, I express gratitude for continuing guidance and protection, and that includes
protection from being seen by a highway patrolman, because I always drive too fast. I
sort of have a rebellious pleasure in breaking man-made laws. (laughter) One of the
impositions on my right to privacy and eminent domain over my own space is being
forced to wear seat belts. That raises my hackles more than anything that has ever been
enacted. If that law had been enacted because my wearing a seat belt would stop me
from hurting you, I would agree that that would be all right. But when the law says that I
have to do that to keep from hurting myself, I don't agree with that. That's invasion of
my right to privacy and my own constitutionally granted freedom.
So my mother and I are on this trip to California, and we tend to just chatter and talk and
have a real good time. And we were coming over Hanuchi Pass, just not a car in sight --
we had the whole road to ourselves, just tooling along. All of a sudden here is this
highway patrolman behind me. I knew I wasn't driving too fast because the road would
not allow it -- I drive safely. I'm not a nut. So I didn't have any guilt, I just kept right on
going. And pretty soon he turns on the damn light. What am I doing wrong? So I pulled
over, and he came up and he said, "You don't have a seat belt on; neither does your
passenger. And I know for a fact that the State of Washington, which is where your car is
licensed, also has a mandatory seat-belt law. So you are in violation, not only in
California, but in your own home state."
He was a little upset because I said, "Yes, uh huh." And I took the ticket. And he stood
right there and said, "You will fasten your seat belts, or I will not let you move this car."
So I said, "Very well." I chose to accommodate him, because I wanted to move my car.
So I fastened the seat belt, and he followed me clear to the state line. But I had not said,
"Thank you for your continuing guidance and protection," and he saw me. But if I
invoke for protection, they can drive right up along side of me and never see that I'm
there. But it is something that I have to do consciously and constantly. It is not
automatic.
GAYLA: I think it is also to keep us from becoming complacent.
GLORIA: That's right, because we get complacent about that, we don't move on.
Yes, appreciation. We're going to talk about that later today. So let's get back to
WEARING, SHARING, and CARING.
In your groups last night, you discussed the characteristics of an Initiate. How you relate
to what was established in your group last night to what we have talked about here this
morning. Anybody have any observations to share with the group? Or do you want to go
into small groups work?
GAYLA: I don't think that I'm a very good judge of my own self.
GLORIA: That's why we're having group work. That's everybody's problem.
None of us can be as objective about ourselves. We always view ourselves subjectively.
So now comes the hard part. Last night you were complementing each other. You were
getting a lot of love and support and all that kind of stuff. Now I want you to get into
your group and be honest with each other, and not take affront. Now this is a good test of
how well you can maintain your space and your serenity while someone else says to you,
"I don't like the tone of your voice." or "I think that you grate on people because you do
such and such." We want some outside input; we want to have someone tell us how we
are viewed from outside of ourselves. We don't have to accept it as the truth.
OK. I'm not talking about denial -- you understand denial. Alcoholics are in full denial.
Parents that don't see the things their children are doing are in full denial. But do not take
affront. Give credence to what the person says. Then examine yourself. And if you
don't get any place with it, say "I am thinking about it". And let it go. Maybe someone
sees you as being very dominant and over-bearing. One of the most enlightening things
happened to me when teaching the group was when Jenika said, "We don't dare open our
mouths. You'd get mad." Me? Get mad? You're afraid of me? How dare you be afraid
of me! (laughter) But you see, it made me become aware of how I come across. And as
an earnestly desiring person to give of whatever the Teachers have for me to give, I don't
want to intimidate you. I don't want you being afraid of me. So I had to do some close
examination. I had to see. What is my threshold -- hey, wait a minute. Maybe I get a
little upset when Betty says "Yah but.." Or when somebody expresses an opinion
opposite to mine. How dare you. Gloria, Gloria, Gloria. So you have the opportunity for
that kind of input. So I hope you are all going to be as loving friends when you're
through as you are now.
***GAYLA: As many years as we've known each other, when you said that just
now really brought to my mind something that I have felt, and that is that you are just too
intimidating, especially when I worked for you, I was extremely intimidated. And I felt
very inferior. In the past five years I have gotten better acquainted with myself, and you
don't intimidate me anymore. I feel very different toward you. I feel I can walk beside
you instead of two steps behind. And I think that's quite good.
GLORIA: I think that's wonderful, because I never see you as inferior. GAYLA:
I know. I did. Of course, I had an affirmation of that going on at home too. GLORIA:
You had a lot of enforcement of not being any good. GAYLA: But I don't have that any
more.
GLORIA: OK. Let's do this in two groups of eight this time. Divide any way you
would like -- I am not dominating.
(Group sessions followed)
GLORIA: OK. We're going to continue this on a little different scale after lunch,
so I want you to keep track of whatever insights you receive -- whatever someone said to
you that touched home so that you can bring it back with you when we come back after
lunch. We're going to begin to talk about how you make connections in conscious
awareness with the Sacred Self. And these things that have been pointed out to you,
whether or not they are true for yourself, or whether they are a mirror. The group over
here found out that what they actually were saying, they were saying about themselves.
They were seeing themselves in the other people. What they didn't like about the other
person was what they saw (that they didn't like) in themselves. So these are the things
that are preventing you from open moment by moment communication with the Sacred
Self. So we are going to start talking about how you can go about making connection
with the Sacred Self and how the Sacred Self can help you eliminate the barriers. It goes
both ways. You don't have to do all of the work; the Sacred Self is there, eagerly waiting
to grasp you in its arms and say, "We are one". I have always known it and now you
know it too.
I want you to have this next hour and a half feeling unfinished. And then we want to
keep this open. We do not want to have complete closure at any particular time in the
work shop. So I will be interrupting you. You won't get to finish your task. If I don't
keep you uncomfortable, I lose some of you -- particularly, Sidney goes to sleep.
(laughter) All right, as a group, you've got three minutes. Tell Sidney what you want
him to know.
GAYLA: Don't sit in a comfortable chair.
LEN: Don't sit in a chair.
JNANA: You never take anything seriously. (Sid: Do you really believe that?)
Well, let's put it this way. Your laughter is constant and it could be covering up (Phyllis:
You could be acting.) Betty: That's a family joke in the group.
OWEN: The one big criticism I have, Sid, is that you are not part of our study
group. (Jean agrees)
MAXINE: You use a lot of big words. (GLORIA: Good observation, Maxine.)
LEN: Do you understand everything that you say, using those words that hardly
any of us understand?
SIDNEY: Well, yes. I think so.
GAYLA: When our group in Redding began reading the transcripts. There's 8 or
9 in the group. Every one of them came to me and said, "Who is Sidney? We cannot
understand that paragraph. I haven't the vaguest idea what he said." So your big words
confuse people, I think.
GLORIA: In continuation of this, Sidney, the thought processes that you use that
are native to you, become involved, almost convoluted because of your Sagitarian stretch,
you see possibilities that other people can't even dream of. By the time you have
introduced these concepts, they have been lost from your original premise. And I don't
think it is the words you use. I think it is the presentation of your concept. It's usually
above and beyond.
SIDNEY: I think so too, because I think Gloria has a better vocabulary than I do,
actually.
GLORIA: Well thank you. That is the nicest compliment.
MARIANNE: When I first met you, Sidney, I thought you had a terrible air of
superiority about you. But then I realized it was warranted. (great laughter)
GLORIA: We are honored to have you among us. BETTY: I have a
criticism, finally. You're too nice.
JEAN: You're too vulnerable.
GLORIA: Now there speaks someone who knows him very well. Is that a
criticism?
JEAN: He doesn't let anyone get too close. He turns their approach off with a
laugh. Possible it's fear of being hurt. When he lets people know him, then he doesn't
have any fear because they don't want to hurt him, and they admire him.
BETTY: I feel there is a vulnerability and a sensitivity that he feels and also
projects to others, so that he doesn't hurt them either.
JEAN: He is very aware of how others can be hurt.
GLORIA: And sometimes -- now here's speaking teacher -- by turning that aside
and not sharing what you know to be the truth, you abdicate your responsibility as
teacher.
BETTY: Yet on the other hand, sometimes when he sees something very
negative coming out, he can turn it around into a very affirming kind of thing and give it
to you and be very supportive.
GLORIA: That's true.
SIDNEY: Thank you.
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