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1. P34
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Session #136d - February 26, 1994
NETSOK FELLOWSHIP RETREAT -- QUEST FOR THE SACRED SELF
(after group sessions)
GLORIA: OK. Our session now is focusing on the journey. I asked you to
perform a task before we broke up. Did you perform it? You can be as specific as your
personal comfort zone permits. Or you can be as general as your personal comfort zone
requires. But I would like you to, out loud, tell the group what you think is going to be
your process in accomplishing this miracle. Now, we're focusing on the journey. We're
here in this room right now. Presumably this miracle is going to occur sometime between
now and when?
How long is your journey going to be? What kind of a journey are you going to take?
What equipment are you going to pack to go on that journey? In other words, what are
the thought processes you are going to use? What are the physical aspects of this
journey? What's your plan? Anybody want to try that?
KIM: I just made the target. I didn't make the plan.
GLORIA: I know you didn't. That's why I'm saying now we're going to think out
loud.
LEN: I guess I really didn't know that you needed a plan. I don't think a plan is
necessary. I feel it's appropriating the energy that's required to do what needs to be done.
GLORIA: OK. How are you going to go about appropriating that energy?
LEN: Demand it and trust that I'll get it.
GLORIA: How are you going to demand it? Are you going to practice a set of
affirmations? Are you going to meditate? Are you going to ritualize? Are you going to
just say, "OK, Source, it's up to you." What is your plan? How will you go about it?
LEN: I wouldn't meditate. I would take some quiet time, just a few minutes,
and be in the connected mode consciously, and state my demands, my wants, and put a
goal, trust, and leave it.
GLORIA: OK. That's what I was asking you for. You see, it isn't going to be that
easy for some other person. Someone else might not even want to attempt that
procedure. Someone else want to think out loud?
MAXINE: One thing that I often do is go to the well where I meet my guides. I
ask them questions, and I've gotten answers that I never dreamed I would have. So I
think I would do that again.
GLORIA: That's a good plan. Are all of you familiar with what she is talking
about -- going to the well? Remember reading in the transcripts where the Teachers gave
this assignment -- create your well and go to the well for answers? Who else would like
to work out their plans?
GAYLA: My target would be my health. The immediate and obvious area where
my health is having a problem is centered right here, and there are other areas that are not
as obvious. My plan is to ask him (Len) to help me with treatments, because he is very
effective. The difficulty that we've had in the past is that he's always willing to assist
with his energy treatments, but for some reason that I can't particularly understand, I
resist his assistance -- I don't know why yet. But there is a reason, and I've been working
on that. So now my plan is to drop the resistance and allow his treatments to help me, not
only in healing my body, but to help me at the same time search out the answers as to
why I am resisting, and to see what's behind the health issues on the emotional level, so
that I can rid myself of them forever and not have to deal with this again.
GLORIA: I'm surprised that it has taken you so long to get around to that
conclusion.
GAYLA: I've had that conclusion. I just haven't been able to make it work.
GLORIA: And using Len's assistance to search out the reasons? You've been
working on that, and you've been resisting his energies and help in finding the reason?
GAYLA: Yes, but not consciously.
GLORIA: So, you're not willing to give up that addiction yet?
GAYLA: I'm trying to find out, what the resistance is. That would be a major
miracle to me.
GLORIA: Look to your addictions. Remember the Teachers telling us about our
addictions? Look to that, because those are usually so deeply rooted that we don't
recognize them and that they are the source.
GAYLA: There's another thing -- I'm able to not resist having someone else
(other than Len) gives me treatments. On a conscious level it's real veiled. I can accept
assistance from Kim. But when it comes to him, he says, "Why do you resist me? Why
don't you accept the energy that I have to give you?" I try not to, but...
GLORIA: So you think now with the tools of this connectedness, this
identification as part of the same whole of which he's a part, may enable you to make the
connection with what he has to offer.
GAYLA: Yes. I also just got an answer.
GLORIA: Good. (GAYLA: Do you want me to share it?) You don't have to if
you don't want to. You're welcome to if you want to.
GAYLA: Since we met, he has learned a lot. His abilities in manipulating energy
and dealing with energy, and seeing energy and working with it are just awesome. But he
has desires, aspirations, goals.
GLORIA: All right. His capabilities, his powers exceed what you see as his ratio
of Volition to Consciousness to deal with appropriately.
GAYLA: Let me put it this way -- I feel protective, and I try to protect him from
being a failure. He is constantly wanting more, more, more. And so I resist having him
do anything to me, because I don't want to say, "It didn't work," and have him feel bad.
So I'm taking care of him. I'm taking responsibility. Does that clear it up? That cleared
it up for me.
GLORIA: Ah ha!
GAYLA: I want him to have a smooth and lovely life without emotional
problems, so I protect him. So I don't let him work on me.
JNANA: You have to release the results.
GAYLA: Yeah. And let him be responsible for whatever happens. (voice:
Very good, Gayla.) Oh, wow!
GLORIA: We don't need to know what it is. We just need to know what process
you might adopt.
EDITH: I am working now on becoming more aware and more in a consciously
receiving mode.
GLORIA: Can you tell us how you are going to prepare yourself to do this? Are
you going to take more quiet time, are you going to look at dreams?
EDITH: I'm going to look at dreams, continue to study the transcripts, work with
mantras, and continue to strengthen my conviction of the body and the Temple Teachers
abilities and willingness to heal.
GLORIA: OK. I'm hearing you say, "I am building trust in the Universal Power
to accomplish what I have set as a target." That's fine. That's good. Next.
CLISTA: I've thought all these years that my background didn't bother me. Now
all of a sudden, all of these things are bothering me. So now I have to deal with it. And
now I'm doing something I never thought I would in my life -- I am going to therapy.
And I want it done now. (laughter)
GLORIA: Can we then deduce that the target is speed?
CLISTA: I don't want to keep messing with this. I want to get done with it.
GLORIA: There is nothing wrong with that target. I just wanted to understand
what you were saying.
CLISTA: You know, it has never bothered me in all these years. I guess I had it
off there somewhere. And now all of a sudden -- why? Now it's bothering me. My
sisters and all have been bothered by this all their lives, and I couldn't figure out what
was wrong them.
GLORIA: OK, what steps are you going to take in your consciousness to enable
yourself to appropriate that speedy recovery?
CLISTA: Well, bring the energies into me, and hold it in my consciousness.
Learn to live with that there consciously all the time.
GLORIA: What practical day-by-day steps do you think you will take to do this?
CLISTA: Well, I do my quiet times. My Tai Chi is helping.
GLORIA: Those are very strong tools.
CLISTA: I'm using my intuition to bring to me materials that I need to read that
help me in this also.
GLORIA: Good. Anybody else want to chart their journey? ... Nobody else is
going anywhere.
JEAN: I wasn't quite through with my thinking, but I'll begin. At the Initiation
way back, Enid said we were going to have a lot of challenges, and it seems to me ever
since then, all I've had are challenges -- new experiences. What I was told to work on
was control, relinquishment -- I knew I had to work on inclusion and acceptance. There
were others, but those were the most important ones. Then you asked, "How do we know
that we have manifest or grown?" And so one thing that happened in the discussion here
-- the issues of life -- we talked about control. And I said that when I say something
important - - I haven't been able to see my guides for so long, but I get "tuning fork".
(Ed. Note: Tuning fork was an inner vibration Jean felt when something “rang true”.)
And I said, "I haven't had any tuning fork in here." Then Sid asked me about control, and
I just got tuning fork in both legs. So that, to me, showed that I've gone a long way in
control. I know I have. Then two things that were particularly related to control: the car
accident and the broken sternum. Because when that happened, I thought I was in perfect
control, where I was going, etc. Suddenly the car in front of me stopped, and I think my
brakes might have, but I was way back. Everything I had in control, but I hit and broke
my sternum. And what had happened was that the woman in front of me could see where
there was an accident, and she stopped. But these cars in a different lane were still going
by. So I also found out afterward that was the third time she had been hit by the car
behind her. Anyway, that showed me a lot about control, and here was something giving
me another test.
And then when I broke my arm, again everything was fine, and it was another test. And
it seems there have been other ones. The latest one that has come up has to do with
acceptance. Now, I have on a rating of 1 to 10, I would rate my daughters-in-law above a
9 -- they are really great. But one daughter-in-law won't accept what I (believe). She
doesn't want me to believe what I believe. There is a whole lot more. I could help those
girls a whole lot -- I offered to help them. My son and I talked, and he said, "It's all right
if the only things you talk about are math and biology, but don't talk about anything that
you believe, because it just upsets her. So just stick to that and don't upset her". And at
first I felt a little anger, and then, because it was a rude thought and was growing in my
territory and restricting me. Now she's been in pain a long time with a shoulder and a
back ache, and she finally came and said, "I was very desperate or I wouldn't have come
to you for help." And I have other help that I could give her, but she won't accept it and I
don't force it on her. So, what I'm going to do is accept her restrictions and only work
with the girls with math and biology, which they need the help on, and go along with it.
But I'm going to invoke and meditate and go on a physical state doing the things that she
will accept from me. There are a lot of things that she does that are really great, and I
accept her on the material worldly basis. But I won't accept her on the other.
Now, the other thing I found -- I was testing with all of you -- was that I have found --
tuning fork -- that normally, when my energy is a certain way, everyone's energy is a
certain way. One hand will go around in one direction, and the other hand will go around
in the other direction -- that's normal. But I find that when I am in my high state, a
change takes place. I am not doing it from here consciously (demonstrating with
pendulum). I ran around and tested the people in here. Now normally you would go one
way on the other (hand), and what happens is that, with the exception of two people,
everyone has all the energy going the same way. And I don't know the significance of it,
but it has happened.
GLORIA: Can we zero in on what I grasp as the kernel here, that you want to
work with the girls, but you are going to accept the daughter-in-law's constraint and
cooperate with her on the secular level. And you're going to invoke and use your
intuition, etc., to create a miracle that somehow your belief can be communicated to the
girls in such a way as to be acceptable to the daughter-in-law.
JEAN: Yes. And also I would like her to not be so restrictive and narrow in her
beliefs, and wish that she could be more free.
BETTY: Is that a control issue?
GLORIA: Yes. I'd like to suggest that with the youngsters, before you encounter
them, before you go to their house or they come to your house -- any time that you
anticipate an encounter with them, that you purposefully make the effort to connect with
SACRED SELF and the Universal Flow, because the Universal Flow acts as a conduit, if
you will, but it also acts as a voltage regulator that what the girls get is appropriate to
them, not what you appropriate for them. You get that? (JEAN: Yeah.)
With your daughter-in-law, her belief system, or lack of accommodation for your belief
system, is not your problem. It only invades your space when it comes to the relationship
you have with your granddaughter. What she believes, she must be given the privilege to
believe. It is not for you to spend any of your time, energy, thought, or effort in changing
her belief system, just simply because you don't agree with it.
JEAN: There is a little bit more -- I'll try to cut it down, but her belief system is
standing in the way of her actualization.
GLORIA: That's your judgement, Jean. That's not up to you to judge that.
JEAN: I'm not judging. I am observing.
GLORIA: It's your opinion. You don't know whether she and her sacred self are
of that opinion.
JEAN: I'm talking about on a physical basis. I see what you're saying.
GLORIA: This is part of caring. A real part of caring is "hands off".
JEAN: That's what I have done to a large extent.
GLORIA: Allow faith. Remember the four items that they gave me during one of
my meditation periods during workshop. Allow FAITH. It is not up to you to declare for
someone else what the quality or quantity of that faith is -- not for your spouse, or your
kids, or for anyone.
JEAN: The interesting thing is that the boys accept what I have to offer, and
want it, and seek it out. But her criticism is, "But you don't spend the time with the girls.
You're not giving the girls the same thing you gave the boys."
GLORIA: But by the same token that you allow her that space, you reserve for
yourself the space that her criticism is only her opinion, and it does not bother you unless
there is a control issue.
PHYLLIS: But it diminishes who she is. It doesn't allow her to be who she is with
those children.
GLORIA: (It does) if she feels that she is spending as much time with the girls as
she is with the boys, even though she is going to accommodate the daughter-in-law's
restriction that she not talk to the girls about what she believes. If she makes the
connection and goes with the flow, the girls are going to ask her. They're going to want
to know what the boys are getting from her.
BETTY: There is a delicate line there. I deal with the same situation in my
family. Son and his family are in a fundamentalist church, and they are very -- I got
severely chastised because I took an A.R.E. relaxation, go to sleep, positive tape to their
home after I had checked it through myself. It's not indoctrination, it's just imagination
relaxing. I was severely chastised for that -- anger, hurt, the whole bit. But ultimately it
goes down to the fact -- those are their children. Those children bought that contract to
come into that life. To me it has come around to: I've got to respect them. I've got to live
and love and approach it from that angle. And when they get older, I'll invite them to a
sweat lodge. But at this stage, I've got to back off. But when it came to Son talking to
me, I finally said, "I've got to be myself. I'm tired of walking on eggshells. I want you to
accept where I am myself." But that was to my son. But with the children, I don't feel
that I have the right to do that.
JEAN: And it is a control issue, because she is trying to control me.
GLORIA: And she sparks your control.
BETTY: Who has ultimate responsibility for the kids.
JEAN: She does, of course. And of course, sons marry their mothers.
GLORIA: Jean is so wise in some areas, but you could wring her neck in other
areas. (laughter) Thank you, Jean. Anyone else?
KIM: I would like to share my tape. It's not clear to me. My target would be
good self esteem, self validation as in the qualities of an initiate. I've struggled with self
esteem, and I was really glad to hear about this self validation and how to go about it. It
seems to me that I can accomplish this goal by taking more quiet time, and staying more
connected through that, and by practicing being silent when it is appropriate. And when I
do speak, to present things in harmless ways without diminishing others. Because, to me,
that would be speaking from confidence. And I feel like if I practice confidence, then I
won't have that nagging self-doubt which would be the opposite, if self-doubt is an issue.
GLORIA: I think that's very clear, and I think that your premise is correct. The
more you practice a thing, the more perfect you become at it. So as you practice self
validation, it is going to erase self-doubt, you are going to become more perfect in your
self validation. Anyone else?
OWEN: My target is to achieve feelings of joy, serenity, and knowledge that I
am living in the flow. I would do this through invocation, through Sandalphon by
invoking harmony within my space, Tzaphkiel for understanding and balance and for
lifting illusions of imbalance and conflict, and invoking Michael for appropriation
following the invocation that Betty developed, and Haniel for relinquishing any obstacle
that stands in the way of my achieving my target, for guiding me to my purpose, which is
the principle under Haniel.
GLORIA: One thing that I might add to that, is that as you are invoking
SANDALPHON for harmony, you must also understand that aspect of the Sandalphon
force that opens new doors, opens doors of new opportunity. So when you begin that
process, you're going to be faced with making CHANGES and meeting new
opportunities. Many times people begin with this Sandalphon think, "Oh, wouldn't it be
nice to be just perfectly in balance. Harmony sounds so lovely." They don't realize that
along with that goes the challenge and the change, and they are not prepared to meet that.
They haven't prepared themselves with the quantum of energy. They haven't made the
strong enough connection. And all of a sudden they feel sort of caught in a whirl pool.
And they say to me, "Gloria, you said do this, and now it's not working. Help me." OK.
It's because they haven't considered all the aspects of Sandalphon.
OWEN: I should add, I'm going to provide for daily quiet time. It's been a little
spasmodic.
BETTY: What you were saying is what came out in my life reading, that I was to
learn about peace, so I projected myself into generations of war. I thought, "Wait a
minute here!" So if we ask for peace and serenity, we're going to get a big fat dose of the
other to learn about peace and serenity, possibly.
GLORIA: That's why we cowardly stay in the status quo. OK. We're talking
about the differences in basic nature here, and ASTROLOGY explains that for me very
well. AQUARIUS is a fixed air sign. They want to know, they want to be sure the
knowledge they have is the right knowledge. And if that challenge that comes along
opens the door and says, "Everything you thought before is wrong." What happens?
Tailspin.
You take a cardinal sign -- Aries, Cancer, Libra, Capricorn -- and open a door for them,
and they are going to rush toward the challenge in their own nature, where fixed signs
like Aquarius, Taurus, Scorpio, Leo are static oriented. They want things to stay put.
They want things to be graspable. And change is not graspable -- as things change, they
change form. They are like the form shifters of Deep Space IX, if any of you watch Star
Trek. You reach for a form or a shape, and it's shifted into something else. And if
Aquarius doesn't know what that something else is, there is a threat there until it's learned
about. And they are happy with that as long as it stays status quo. But, of course, it
doesn't, it shape-shifts again and becomes something else. So this is the basic fear
underlying the fixed signs -- they want to hang on to what they know, even if it is
uncomfortable.
BETTY: That doesn't strike me, however. Maybe it's because I have a lot in
opposition and retrograde. What I want to hold on to is that goal of being at peace with
the Universe, and if the tool shifts, that's OK. It may be uncomfortable, but it's OK,
because there wasn't comfort to begin with, because the tool wasn't the right one.
Actually, I've been complained about at work because I change. And I have changed at
work. And I finally said to my carrier, "The one constant here will be change."
GLORIA: OK. I guess I haven't expressed what I'm talking about very well.
BETTY: I feel that yes, that would be the comfortable way to do it. And I would
be much more comfortable if I know that's what I constantly strive for.
JNANA: Somehow I'm going to attract independent wealth by continuously
spending some quiet meditative time, writing music, maybe writing other things, and
being real open to doors opening. The miracle is being aware of what presents itself.
GLORIA: How does that differ from what you do every day?
JNANA: I'm not spending much time writing music now, and recording.
GLORIA: That's really going to take focus. You're going to have to focus on the
creative juices. You're going to have to give time to that. That doesn't just happen.
JNANA: I know. Right now time is an issue. The miracle is also happening as
time presents itself.
BETTY: OK. My miracle is -- this is very tangible. My goals are more
intangible. Specifically, my miracle is a dropping blood pressure to a health, whole,
balance level for my body. My procedure to open myself to this miracle is to examine
what the payoff is for having high blood pressure, to evaluate that payoff to see if that's
really the payoff I want. Then, probably the second thing in order is to invoke for the
ability to recognize and understand the underlying cause, that we will bring into balance
whatever causes the high blood pressure, not only the payoff but the cause. Maybe it's
the same thing, I'm not sure.
And then I'm going to open -- I open to all levels of guidance, of messages whether they
be through music, messages in nature, workshops, dreams, signs, meditations, reading,
whatever -- I open to all of this. I will formulate -- I haven't done this yet -- I will
formulate and use and believe specific affirmations for what has been revealed through
this. In other words, I don't want just the blood pressure lowered, because if I just lower
the blood pressure, it will go right back up again. So I want to get down to the roots of it.
Then -- oh gee, I hate to have this witness because then it is in concrete. (GAYLA:
We've all done it.) But I will journal to open myself up to really look at things more
objectively. I've got a good 5-year supply of journals. And, I will even consider therapy.
(repeated strongly) I will consider therapy.
GLORIA: Counseling is not a stigma. You see, one of the issues of mental health
is control. And if you have to go and get therapy, that means you no longer have control
of your life. You're making a public admission. "I don't have control of my life." There
is no stigma to discussing things with someone else. And if it is someone who is trained
in modes of understanding yourself, who better to discuss it with.
BETTY: My fear is that I've gone to quite a few therapists who are total nuts.
Finding the right one --
GLORIA: There is your miracle -- make that your miracle.
GAYLA: Call on Universal Energy to guide you to the right one.
BETTY: I did that. I invoked, I did everything, and I thought, "This is the person
I should call here." I want to go to hypnotherapy because I heard that different
personalities, when they split their personalities, one personality will not be allergic and
the other one will. So obviously all allergies are between the ears. So, if I go to a
hypnotherapist, perhaps they can help me take the responsibility to find what that is and
change this. And as long as I'm there, I can do another goal -- I can look at and find
something about my fear of heights and deal with that.
I finally picked a hypnotherapist after some checking around. She recommended doing a
series because people bail out when it gets tough. She said that she went to a workshop
dealing with personal problems, and found that she didn't have a single problem. I
discovered that she was working her problems out through her customers. But I don't
have the money to throw around for that.
CLISTA: But Betty, didn't you think that you were controlling -- you said that
you wanted a hypnotherapist because you thought that would be conducive. You are
kind of controlling -- you limited it. You didn't say, "Give me the best person for what I
need." You don't know all that you need.
BETTY: When do you trust your intuition? Essentially it came back to me, "This
is something you need to ferret out with yourself". And the message came through to me
-- "You ought to do this". And I had to go home and work on it. And I analyzed and
found, "No. That's really not appropriate for me. Yes. I'm really OK here. And yes, I
really need to look at this."
Again the Universe threw me the responsibility, threw it back to me.
LEN: My plan is to spend more quiet time, meditation time, and get the feeling
of connectedness to increase self -alidation. And then to put the demand out and let it go.
And then watch and listen.
MARIANNE: The big issue in my life in recent years is my husband's health.
Gloria helped me realize that his health is not my problem -- it's his problem. My
problem is accepting the fact that it's his problem, and there is nothing I can do about it.
And that's a control issue that I'm just learning about this weekend.
My miracle will be to have him realize that his health is under his control. If he comes to
that realization and is willing to invoke or whatever to handle it, that would be a miracle
too. So, I plan to use -- I am getting and I will work on getting in touch with my higher
self to get in touch with his higher self to let him understand that, to develop that
understanding. It's a stone wall now, but I see it's my fault because I've been going at it
the wrong way. So at least I'm on the path to understanding.
GAYLA: Is she setting herself up? GLORIA: No.
BETTY: I can't accept that, in that you have gone about it in the best way that
you knew how. Maybe it was the right way at the time.
GAYLA: Is it up to you to make him realize that? Isn't it up to you to just let him
have it?
GLORIA: Not necessarily. Remember, she is married to him. "I will comfort you
in sorrow and disappointment."
GAYLA: Because it's in the marriage contract?
GLORIA: Certainly. She has every right in the world to go at it through the
Universal Power, for him to become self-realized.
KIM: Would that fall under making something available to another person?
She's making her understanding available to him if he chooses to embody it. (GL: That's
right) At first when you said that, it sounded like maybe that would fall under the
interfering category, but now I can see that it doesn't. Makes it available.
GAYLA: But if he chooses not to become aware of that, will you feel that your
miracle didn't happen and therefore you failed -- that's all I'm thinking of. It's still his
choice whether he accepts that or not, and you don't want to set yourself up to feel like
your miracle....
GLORIA: Oh, I see what you're saying is "setting yourself up". First of all, when
you listen to the words that she used, she said "If it happened, that will be my miracle".
She didn't say, "That's my miracle, and it's going to happen." She's not controlling it to
that extent.
MARIANNE: Rather than thinking that Walter's health is my problem to solve, I
have come to the realization that it's his problem to solve. And instead of invoking for
some miracle just to cure him, I will invoke my higher self to get in touch with his higher
self to somehow bring him to the realization that he is in control of his health. That is
something that he can go after. And I will work through meditation as my method, and I
will look at other ways. That's what I come back to all the time. I will work at invoking,
but I seem to give up on that right away rather than trusting that it will take time and it
will come. So I will use one method and then another to have Universal Power somehow
get in touch with him -- I don't know how.
BETTY: Maybe the miracle will be enabling you to release it to higher power.
MARIANNE: I think I have enough resilience that I'm not going to feel I'm a
failure. If that doesn't work I'm willing to try something else.
GLORIA: How about the miracle being in your own consciousness, as you work
at connecting with your SACRED SELF, your attitude toward the situation will change.
You've already made a major step today, when you said, "I realize that his illness is not
my problem. My problem is filling my space with that condition to live with". That's
your problem. So your miracle is going to be your own empowerment.
GAYLA: Yeah. I see her miracle as simply allowing him to have his
responsibility. I still feel like she is trying to find a way around it.
GLORIA: You see, another miracle will happen, because when she begins to let
him have the responsibility for himself, then he may take charge. It's like the
codependency thing -- as long as you enable him in his dependency or whatever, then he
is going to enjoy more enablement. But when you become self empowered, then you let
him struggle with it instead of trying to solve his problems for him.
Now how you go about that, I don't know enough about the intimate details of your lives.
You probably have contracted with this man to do the shopping and prepare meals and to
keep his environment clean, etc. How much he shares in that may be something you need
to examine. I don't know.
MARIANNE: I've been thinking that recently.
LEN: May I interject something here? This is just what I have worked with and
found out. I work with HIGHER SELF of other people. This is with healing aspects or
information to pass on or whatever. Not a lot of times, but sometimes the higher self of
the other person literally says, "Keep out of this". At other times it says, "We have it
worked out just fine. Leave it alone." So, in that respect what I do is put out for
availability whatever it is the person has requested, even the higher self if anything. If
nothing was requested, I do nothing, and I say so. But it seems like sometimes higher
self and that person will just work it out. And that's just the way it is.
GLORIA: Well that's OK. It doesn't matter whether that's the case or not. What
we're talking about here is Marianne's own empowerment.
GAYLA: But she said, "I'm willing to do this. If it doesn't work, I'll try
something else." Which says she wasn't releasing it. It says she is still looking for
another way to control his health.
MARIANNE: Well, if it's OK to try it the first way, why isn't it OK to try it
another way? I don't want to control his health, I want him to become aware that he is in
control.
GAYLA: But it's still his choice whether he wants to become aware of it.
GLORIA: If she takes the initiative and stops being an enabler. But that's what
she is saying. "I'm going to empower myself and go through the Universal force. And if
this happens, it's a miracle."
BETTY: I'm hearing a different thing than you're hearing. (GAYLA: I am too.)
I'd like to bring this back to the personal, because I'm dealing with the same thing right
now. What's right, what's wrong, and where we are with everything, and how we deal
with this. I have said to Roger, "When you clear up the relationship and my obligation to
the rest of the Universe, you can do whatever you want with your health." I have also
said to him, "If you want to become a complete cripple, that's fine. I will put you in a
nursing home, and I will do my thing." I said it in jest to shake him. In some ways his
health is controlling my life, and it will become more and more like that if I allow it.
And so I feel that makes a difference -- where do I have the right. I'm feeling it. I don't
know if it is a proper feeling all the time, but I feel that a lot of his health is controlling
my life. He's broken his health on the farm. What's left -- I don't want just pieces left,
because that wasn't the goal of the whole thing. The whole thing was to live a life and be
a person.
GLORIA: This is the miracle that happens: When you take your own
EMPOWERMENT, when you make that connection with your SACRED SELF, and you
begin to live as a part of the river, and not just as that droplet hanging out there self
responsible and subject to the law of gravity or whatever, miracles begin to happen. OK,
maybe as you are seeing this, Marianne has put a restriction on what can happen from
this. You're asking her to reach 100% of the goal of realization when she has only just
today started on the pathway. You're not giving her enough space.
BETTY: I feel just the opposite. I feel that Marianne has set a far, far goal for
herself. I feel that we're saying, "You don't have to go that far. Just take it this far, and
then make that renewal (?)." That's what I feel, because ultimately, it isn't that that
person doesn't want to be healed or that this person needs to experience that. It's that fine
line at where it affects our life and where it's our space and their space.
GLORIA: Again, we are focusing on results and not focusing on the journey.
And what I wanted you to focus on was the journey towards the miracle. Maybe you're
right. Maybe she is setting the goals too high. I don't know that; that's really for her to
decide. But I understand what you're saying. But to judge whether she is right or whether
she's wrong is not up to us.
Do you have some input here, Marianne? We're talking as though you're not even here.
MARIANNE: No. It is interesting to hear all of the input. I was very interested in
hearing what Len has to say about that and going further into it. But I don't want to take
the time.
BETTY: I see this in Owen's and Maxine's roles over and over again. How much
energy and everything it takes for Owen to deal with Maxine's disability. And I keep
thinking, I'd go nuts under the same circumstances. And I think that is one of the reasons
why I fight it. Because it isn't just Maxine's problem at all. The ripples go wider and
wider and wider.
MAXINE: Maybe I'm not dealing with my problem. I've got a problem, and so
then maybe this is how I've chosen to deal with it. And maybe that isn't right; maybe I
need to try some other things. I do have a problem, and so that's it. How do you make
the choice? Maybe we take the easiest choice, I don't know, but we don't know how to
deal with it.
BETTY: There is a fine line. The next time somebody comes into the Post
Office and they ask about something they don't quite understand, or you give them some
instructions, they think, no problem, no problem. Sometimes I've got to say, "Yes.
Problem." Owen deals with it while to me it would be a gigantic problem, because I'd
lose my Aquarian freedom. Tough issues are not limited to the one person when you're
in a relationship.
GLORIA: Don't you think that gives you a right by virtue of contract to do
everything you can to make it possible for that person to take personal responsibility?
(BETTY: Yes, to take personal responsibility.) That's what she's saying.
BETTY: That's what I'm not hearing.
MARIANNE: Yes. I did say that. That's a new realization for me. I thought
because of our relationship, his health was my problem.
BETTY: I hear you say that part, but what I hear you say in the plan is that you
are taking on doing all these things. And if they don't work, you're going to try another.
KIM: I see something that you talked about, but it's like here is Marianne and
here is her husband and here is the higher aspect. You see Marianne going up to her
higher aspect go over here and then come down. But will it? All she says is she is going
up here and attempt some communication over here. If that communication doesn't go
through, then they regroup here and say, "OK, I'll communicate a different way." She's
never said she's attached to the result. She's attached to the sharing, to make available her
realties.
MARIANNE: Len has done some of this counselling, I hear you say. And you
have talked to your higher self who has contacted someone else's higher self who has told
you to butt out?
LEN: I did it directly. All I was saying was that sometimes that's just the way it
is. And there is nothing you can do. You can try, but you're not going to be effective.
MARIANNE: Because that's his karma or whatever?
GLORIA: I think just in the realization that his problem is not yours just because
you are married to him, is empowering in itself, because now you can deal with your own
life differently.
GAYLA: I think that's true too, and I can see a difference in her stature since she
made that declaration. So it has empowered her. You got a miracle, I think that is true.
PHYLLIS: My process would incorporate a lot of things that people have already
mentioned, however, I didn't hear some of these things that I thought I will need to do.
And I sort of lumped them under the category of "head changes". For me anyway, head
changes are changes in outlook and attitude and practicing an attitude of gratitude, like
going throughout the day, not just once a week -- periodically being truly focused and
throughout the day keeping an attitude of gratitude, even if you have to get one of those
watches that will ring every hour to say, "What are you thinking about, and how negative
is it?" It reminds you to get out of whatever you put your head in. Expect a miracle --
you don't truly live your life waking up, with that glee, joy, or sense of expectation that
comes because you truly believe this miracle is happening. That's a totally different way
of living life. And, behave as if it is already done. And depending upon what your
miracle is, I guess you can't truly practically, actively live like its already done, but you
can maintain the attitude of gratitude and expectancy. If you don't have your million
dollars yet, you probably can't...
GLORIA: You can still spend your last dollar on a book, if it's the right one.
PHYLLIS: Right. And just basically identifying with the Whole -- we talked
about that. If you're identifying with the Whole, the Whole is all powerful, and it's
already there, so if you are identifying with it, you've already got it because you're part of
that whole. And listening to the "still small voice" that comes and says, "Let's go here."
And then you go, "No. I'm not going there. I was already there", or "No, I have to do
that tomorrow when I'm going to this place and that place and that place". The little
things that come and you don't pay any attention because there are some better ways.
GLORIA: There are more conservationist ways to do it. Save gaps. Make all
your errands, plan your route.
KIM: I found that was real rewarding. I started paying more attention, kind of
going with the detours.
VIVIAN: Now I have arrived where, after hearing all these different angles, I've
gotten the message that definitely the top place for me to work with now is Universal
power with health etc. There are several ways that I will try.
GLORIA: OK. I hear you saying, "I have several options here, and I am going to
take each one out until I find the optimum one for me to continue with.
VIVIAN: I have to go to the right place to get the option that will work.
GLORIA: That's a good Scorpio talking, looking for the proper resource.
(Group decided it was time for a stretch followed by a meditation.)
GLORIA (MEDITATION): Let's give ourselves a moment to relax and lower some of
the energies we have created -- some high-powered energies in this room. .... Let your
bodies relax. Let your head sit gently on your shoulders. Breathe in deeply through your
nose and expel your breath through your mouth. Pretend you're blowing a trumpet. One
more time. ... Let your breathing be regular, gentle. Feel the peace of understanding sort
of steal over your body. It's not important whether you know what you understand, just
that there is a peacefulness in the understanding itself.
Feel the connectedness that exists between each member in this room. The words and the
thoughts and the feelings that we have shared have connected us very closely. In that
same feeling of connectedness with each other, feel the connectedness with your
SACRED SELF. As you feel the energies moving here in the room from solar plexus to
solar plexus, feel it also move up through your heart chakras, up through your throat
chakra, you power center. Feel the empowerment as that energy moves up through your
head to the crown chakra.
Now the Sacred Self -- the lower chakras connect with your heart and your throat and
your third eye. And that's where communication takes place. It's in your HEART that
you know. It's in your POWER CENTER that you take action. It's in your THIRD EYE
that you perceive. And then there is that flow of understanding, and that is the flow of
LIFE itself -- that is the embodiment of power to you and the spiritual being living as a
human being. ....
Now accept a loving blessing from your Sacred Self. Accept and believe in that promise
of the Sacred Self: "I am with you always"... Speak to yourself: "I am giving myself the
opportunity to be in close connection with my Sacred Self." ... Repeat that to yourself
until it becomes sort of a background mantra to your daily thoughts.
Now feel the blessing of your Sacred Self flow down through your body like a warm
spring of summery type of sunshine. ... Accept that blessing. Express your gratitude for
that blessing. ... And now as spokesperson for the circle, I express my gratitude and the
gratitude of everyone here for the assistance of the Teachers, for their presence, for their
healing, for their loving energy. And we look forward to a good night's rest and
refreshment so that we will awaken in the morning renewed and invigorated and ready to
bring this workshop to its successful conclusion, in great joy... And so I declare, and so it
is.
GLORIA: Did any of you notice that as we went into meditation we built up the
energy? (Comments about the variation in the candle flame.)
OWEN: It did look as though someone was blowing on the candle.
GLORIA: It's very difficult to explain to a non-believer or skeptic how physical
this force and energy is that we work with. When people say, "What do you mean by
'signs'?" This is one of the kinds of signs that I look for. That's reaffirmation that what I
believe in is real. It gives me something to point out and say, "See!"
GAYLA: But a skeptic would never accept that.
BETTY: The feeling I got was strange, because I remember asking Sheariam or
someone if they ever laughed. The answer was, “Yes, but we don't have the physical
abilities to do it.” I had the feeling they were having a ball with the humorous situation.
GLORIA: They love it when we laugh. When we express that joy, we are
actually giving them substance to build their realm with.
GAYLA: They constantly tell us to have joy.
GLORIA: Yes. Sing, dance, be joyful. Even the Bible says "Sing and dance and
be joyful unto the Lord."
OK. I'm through being teacher. (Comment: Hello, Gloria.)
(Sunday morning.) (Beginning meditation missed -- no juice in wall plug.)
GLORIA: Let's keep that energy going with its change. Let's talk about making
magic -- that's kind of what we were talking about last night -- creating a miracle. Our
schedule calls for "Making Magic" -- that's what we're talking about this morning.
Give some thought to how you make magic every day. Anybody got a suggestion as to
what the very first magic-making thing a human being does?
(suggestions) That's it. A baby smiles, and magic happens. Isn't that what parents live
for -- the first recognizable smile? That's magic. And we lose that as we grow up. And
we fail to smile at people.
Now, I'll tell you about a MIRACLE I created. I know that this was definitely a miracle
because I have had infeed from my Sources about it. There was a postal clerk at the main
post office in Vancouver, and the young man must have an absolutely miserable life. I
know that he is a Vietnam vet, and so he probably has some serious psychological
problems. I hated to go to his window -- I just dreaded it. And I have to go to the Post
Office at least once a day and sometimes twice a day. And inevitably, the stronger I felt
about not going to his window, it was his window that came free. And I thought, "I'm
letting this thing control me. That's dumb -- I don't have to do that. I don't have to let
this control me." And that was the premise I started from. I had no intention of bringing
any change anywhere but inside myself.
I decided that I was going to make it a point to choose him. I wasn't going to let the
Universe decide that that was the one -- I was going to decide he was the one who was
going to wait on me. And I was going to be one bright sunshine in his day. If he had
nothing else, he was going to have Gloria's smiling and complimenting and being nice to
him.
BETTY: Which is sometimes very unusual in a Post Office.
GLORIA: Of course it is. Do you know that now he not only treats me peaceably,
he treats everybody that comes to his window peaceably. He may not always smile at
them, but at least now he is polite. He doesn't ridicule or put you down because you're
too damn stupid to know that it's 29 cents an ounce for the first ounce. He has such a
pain that he has to punish the world. I believe that I was the instrument of a miracle
there. And now I really go to his window because I want to do business with him and not
with some of the other clerks that I haven't worked miracles with. I just enjoy this glow
for a while.
Then, I do business with the bulk mail department a great deal. They had a major change
back there. A new young man is in charge of the department, and he is the absolute joy
of my life -- I swear that man has made my life so much easier. So I filled out one of the
forms that the Post Office provides -- it informs the postmaster about how much
improved the service is in the bulk mail department, and how much easier the personnel
make it for the bulk mail customer. The previous supervisor made life so difficult for
people that it was as though you were at fault for her misery. You know how that play
goes. And so every month I had to go in there with my bulk mail, and I got to where I
wanted to quit my business because I didn't want to do business with her. Then all of a
sudden this change of boss there, so I let the postmaster know that I thought he was just a
superior employee, and I really appreciated the changes that he was making back there.
And so I went in to take my bulk mail a couple of months ago, and he said, "Thank you.
Nobody ever takes the time to say anything about how good we are or how much we try.
We never get any appreciation." And that trickled through, and somebody else said
something about this clerk at the front counter that I had been working with. And
somehow, without my operation, the knowledge circulated. Somebody caught on to what
had happened, and it came back to me in "Thank you". That's miracle making, and all it
took was a smile. That's all it took. I decided that I would smile at him, no matter what
he said or his attitude or how he treated me, he was going to get treated like he was
treating me like a queen. Now he does.
EDITH: It started with your decision.
GLORIA: Yes. But the decision to create a miracle can go unacted upon.
BETTY: I would like to create a miracle. You brought the subject up and it's
been weighing heavy on me, because in Gervais we have 360 post office boxes where
people come to get their mail. Granted there may be more than one Hispanic name on one
box. What I'm doing is giving you parameters of the size of the office. But there are
three Vietnam veterans who are going through some major, major problems now. It
splits the family, the wife bailed out. She said, "I just can't take it anymore. He knows
it's a mess. He finally opened up to me. I send mercy, love, and compassion.
We as a country sent them over there to do an impossible job with no definitions or
expectations. They are reliving all that stress, fear. One of them started out the door and
unexpectedly met another coming in. I heard the scream from clear in my room, and I
heard the apology, "Oh, I'm so sorry. You startled me. I'm a vet and I'm still dealing with
some of the problems." This big strong man screamed like that.
GLORIA: And that's only one of how many thousand?
OK. You yourself can work on that. Every day as you go to work, fill that office with
the energy of safety for anyone who is afraid. And when they come in, their fear is
assuaged and they feel that often. And you can reduce that sudden onset of fear, just
because that's your space.
LEN: There is a miracle right there -- safe in a post office. (laughter)
BETTY: Sometimes I have a problem -- people come in and leave their
problems.
GLORIA: That may be a problem. If you made a statement that you're unhappy
there, you may have more people hanging around than you want. You probably are
going to have to program in to that, that you come in and do your business in safety, and
then you go on your way.
JEAN: Sometimes someone comes in with a hundred dollar bill and wants a
stamp.
BETTY: That's happened more than once.
JEAN: And Betty keeps her cool and is very nice, and then she thinks, he looks
kind of familiar. It was Collin having a joke with her.
BETTY: I was so preoccupied, but I was thinking, "He looks exactly like Collin.
There can't be doubles, can there?
JEAN: And he always laughed about it -- how wonderful she was. No irritation.
GLORIA: That was a case of passing the test.
BETTY: We talked about harmony the other day, and I wanted to share
something on that. There is this man that comes in the post office. He comes in and buys
exactly the number of stamps he needs for all his envelopes. He demands small ones. So
I have a habit of (lost in giggles) But I reworked it: "Would you help me use up these
good ones?" He is very demanding, very pious, very fundamentalist, and from my
perspective, very obnoxious. He came in one day ranting and raving about freedom of
choice. And I heard myself answering him, "Betty, why are you doing this?" I really got
so I was observing myself. He was coming in and he pounds on the desk and other
things. And I heard myself raising my voice. "This will not do any good. Back up." He
raised his voice; I raised my voice.
I have seen children come into the office. I have seen how their mothers treat them. I
said, "What would your choice be if you were a child, would you want to live through
this? Or if the mother didn't want you at any rate. Where is it better to die? What kind
of death is it better to die? And who has the right to put a woman through this. If the
contraceptive worked, you know, fine. But if it doesn't always work even when they are
taking precautions. I went through explanation. I said, "I know two people who have
babies. One of them, the husband deserted them. The other split the marriage. No one
knows whose taken them and given them away and has destroyed them totally." He says,
"What right have we to tell another person how to live their life?" I said, "Now wait a
minute. You will never convince me, and I will never convince you, so let's agree to
disagree on this. OK?" And he looked at me, and he says "OK". And ever since then he
has treated me with respect and courtesy. Never before did he.
It's really fascinating. All this time, you know, if you put it out, you are supposed to get
it back. But I yelled right back at him. And that's the only person I have ever yelled at at
the post office. And since that time he has treated me with courtesy.
GLORIA: You were fulfilling the law, because Silverthistle told us "force meets
force". Whatever you put out is what you get. At that time, he was putting out force, it
was important that you put out force and establish your equality. Because he lives in
dominance of everybody but himself. And the only way that you could establish equality
with him was to talk his language, do his body language, meet him on his ground.
BETTY: He said, "I have six boys, and I raised them all." And I cut my tongue, I
didn't say, "Oh. You helped to overpopulate the Earth too." (laughter) But it's really
interesting to see the reactions that people give.
GLORIA: You can't always meet every situation exactly the same. That's why it
is so important to understand this Michael, this LAW OF DOMINANCE, this Principle
of Appropriation. What is appropriate to the situation? Now, I'm not suggesting that if
somebody takes a swing at you, you swing back. You duck. And then you try to take
some stance that that's not going to happen again. But you have to take appropriate
action. And sometimes meeting the person on his terms is the appropriate action, even
though it is not appropriate for you all of the time. You see what I'm saying?
OK. I have an example that came to mind as Betty was saying -- she was standing back
hearing her voice getting higher and higher. We poured a new sidewalk where the plum
trees were around the property, and we pulled those out. It was all dirt, and the last two
years I planted flowers in there, and the kids have come through and trampled it out, and
the birds have eaten all the seed -- it was just a big mud hole and dust hole. So we poured
a cement sidewalk all around the property, and then I built a fence inside of that. But
what has happened, the kids in the neighborhood have seen that sidewalk as a wonderful
skating rink, because they can come down the hill from where my brother lives and hit
my neighbor's driveway and ride up smoothly onto the sidewalk, skate around the corner
and go out onto the street from our driveway. Bicycles just whiz around there. Then
they crash into the fence, or the skaters hang on the fence, and the fence is decorative --
it's not meant to support anybody's weight but its own. So I put barriers out there, and
they took them down. I built barriers out there -- they tore them down. Well, I knew
who was doing it, so I laid in wait. And when he came home from school, I said, "James,
I want to talk to you.Yeah." I said, "I want you to understand that just because there is
cement sidewalk poured here, this does not make this public property. This is my
personal private property. And when you skate on it, and you ride your bicycle on it, you
are trespassing on my property, and I will not have that. Do you understand?Yeah."
Now he knew that I didn't want him to do it. Right? So he didn't do it when I was
looking. He did it more when I wasn't. Not only that, he got the twins from up the hill to
do it with him. So my neighbor from across the street called one day and said, "Did you
know that James and the twins are hanging on the fence?" My mother went like this,
which wasn't a good start for me. So, I looked out the front door, and I thought, "Gloria,
you're not in control. Don't go out there yet." So I walked around the house, and I talked
to myself. And I thought I had myself all under control, and went out the back door,
walked around the house and came out, approached them and said, "Good afternoon,
gentlemen." That sort of startled them -- they stood there looking at me like this. And I
thought I was going to be reasonable. So I went through the same worries that I had gone
through with James in the first place about private property. One of the twins says, "This
is city property." I said, "No. This is private property. This is my property. And I paid
for this sidewalk. And I built this fence, and I don't want you on it!" (getting more
agitated) I just lost it. I did not feel good about this, and when I realized that I had lost it,
I stopped. I just cut it off. Their eyes were like this, you know. Then in a very quiet
whisper, I said, "Do we have to discuss this any longer?No." And they were gone.
So nothing happened for quite a long time until the other day, one of the twins was riding
on the sidewalk with his bicycle, and I called him over. And I said, "What do I have to
do to convince you that this is my private property? Do I have to go up and tramp
through your yard and hang off of your fence, and annoy your parents in order for you to
understand what your trespassing on my property means to me?" And you know, the
kids never thought of that before. He didn't realize what trespass does to people. His
parents had never talked about that, and yet his mother will not let my nephew's friends
park their cars at the curb in front of her house. But her kids don't understand that she
feels that way.
Yes, that's a public street. But she goes out screaming, "I don't want etc." And she sends
one of the twins over to knock on the door to tell the kids to move their car. So what I
say is, the parents live one life, and the kids live another. This kid really did not know.
It's incredible. Anyway, I really lost it.
So, with your best intentions, that Desire Body takes control and works out through the
emotions, and you just throw that Vital Body out there, and it can get pretty loud when
things get triggered. How do you create the miracle of self mastery, and not throw your
bodies to the winds that way?
JEAN: Oprah is doing something that is very interesting - - random acts of
kindness. The particular act she did was to pay for the five people that followed her at a
toll gate. Her theory is that random acts of cruelty spread to more cruelty, and that
random acts of kindness also multiply. It was very impressive, and a thought to consider.
GLORIA: That is one way to create a miracle. That's in the flow. That's
recognizing that everybody behind you or ahead of you is in the same flow that you're in.
And everything that you do for the droplet next to you affects all the droplets to come.
And we forget that, we forget this whole of which we are apart. When I was yelling at
those kids, I was yelling at myself too. How many times have I trespassed whether
innocently, or knowingly? Remember as kids we thought it was great sport to run up and
ring the doorbell and then go hide. (All the other kids did it and it was fun.) Sure it was.
I was doing it when I was 12. (Especially at old peoples’ houses.)
Remember that the scales of justice balance out. Ever heard of instant (karma)? That
happens, and we recognize it when it's something negative, when all of a sudden we're
paying for an evil thought or an unkind deed. We recognize punishment, but we don't
recognize that miracles are our reward.
JEAN: I remember one time this miracle -- I was a teenager and I went in that
horrible 2nd and Alder rest room at the interurban street-car station. There was all this
graffiti around and really a very unpleasant place. An old woman came up and said,
"How nice to see a pretty face in the mirror." It was just wonderful. Ever since then I
pass it on. I know it makes a difference.
GLORIA: That's right. It creates miracles that you don't witness, but it doesn't
matter whether we witness the results of our miracle or not. It affects everything and
everybody.
GAYLA: There is something that I have been doing for quite a while now.
When you go to the grocery store, go to any place of business, people say, "How are you
today?" without feeling. And I say, "I'm wonderful, I'm fantastic. I'm great. I'm
excited." And they stop and look up. And do you know what I have discovered, which is
my way of knowing things matter -- it took a while, but I said to Jim one day, "People
don't forget me." I go back to places that I have only been once, and they remember who
I am. I get smiles, and I get good stuff back. It didn't occur to me that it was because of
what I was doing even months before. When we went to The Pyramids Restaurant the
first time how many years ago, the next time I called and asked for a reservation -- "I
remember you.How could you remember me? I'm talking to you on the phone long
distance. I've been there once.I remember you." Every time I've called there, they
remember. And I think that's a miracle. And it spreads. One guy -- I looked at him - - it
was at a movie. I had said, "Oh, I'm just excited. It's a great day." And he said, "Is she
like this all the time?" (laughter) Jim said, "Most of the time." And the fellow said,
"That's really neat." And ever since then whenever I come in the store it's just like, "hi."
Later on he mentioned that it made his whole day. And that is a simple thing.
OWEN: What do you do in response to the folks that call to solicit funds while
you are making dinner?
GAYLA: I say, "Thank you. I'm not interested today."
GLORIA: I do not accept telephone solicitations. Thank you.
CLISTA: I leave it to my answering machine. I just don't answer those.
GAYLA: There have been people with the wrong number that I've had a
conversation with and have ended up saying, "Gosh, this was so fun." Instead of saying
"Wrong number. Don't bother me." I've said, "You sound really nice". And I keep
getting calls for Senator Clark's office. I give them the right number. I called Senator
Clark's office to suggest they had the wrong number in their ads, and they were very
appreciative. I think it is just courtesy.
GLORIA: Now what we consider "just courtesy" though is miracle making.
We're making magic, because we live in a world that is dominant and is predominantly
negatively charged. Every positive charge that we can put into our atmosphere brings
that into balance, makes it easier for more people to become self mastered.
Now, we've been told by the Teachers that we're not going to reach self mastery in this
lifetime -- it's not under Michael that we're going to reach self mastery. It's under Haniel
that we reach self mastery. But we have to work through this self control, this evolution
of your subtle bodies, the cleaning up of the Desire Body, the modification of our
attitudes and habit patterns in order to be prepared for Haniel. They've also told us that
parts of us are all ready living in these other realms and under these other laws. And
everything that we do here under the Law of Dominance either prohibits or progresses the
functioning of everybody else under the other laws. And the same goes for them.
Sometimes we're quieting a battle that they have created.
Remember the teachers telling Richard White, that the reason that he had cancer was
because he had accepted the frustration of the alchemist who could not accomplish the
alchemy he wanted to accomplish. And the alchemy in our lives is our metabolism and
the building of our bodies. We are all alchemists in that respect. And so he took the
alchemist's frustration of this alter ego and interfered with the alchemy of his body and
created the cancer. But at the time that Richard joined our group, his aura was totally
brown. That man was on the way out the door and very, very frightened. And he lived
what, eight years after he joined the Circle? Maybe ten. He worked with his mantra, and
some of that time was real quality time. He and Mary travelled and enjoyed their
retirement. He wasn't sick all that time.
OWEN: He more or less got the COSMIC CONNECTION started.
GLORIA: He did; he was the leading light in that.
CLISTA: They were there when I came.
OWEN: He was there when we started. He asked me if Maxine and I would be
interested in attending a seance.
JEAN: And he really had it together when it came down to doing a job.
GLORIA: That's right. But when he joined the group he was very frightened of
dying. And Mary was scared to death. But look how strong Mary has become. She had
problems of inclusion. She thought that she couldn't come to the group because we didn't
want her. That was her problem. She really had a bad emotional time with that idea. But
you see, she owned the idea that she was not wanted. And that's what this business of
inclusion is -- you own an idea. When you divorce yourself from that idea, when you
release that idea and find the truth --. Exactly what I was saying to you about myself this
morning, that I owned the idea that I am going to be rejected by anyone that I allow
myself to love, or want to be loved by. That's my ownership. And that was one of the
things that the Teachers said we'd be talking about. Thanks for leading us into this.
Attachment -- so we need to begin to look at what are we attached to. What ideas do we
own that inhibit quality of life for us? Because, as we have seen from our miracle
making discussion, that we have to have quality of life before we can imbue someone
else with it. We have to be the first one to smile. We have to be the first one to say, "I'm
great, aren't you?" We have to initiate this, so we have to come from a condition of
quality of life.
GAYLA: Do you know what happens when I do that? I am remembered that I
am. It creates not only a miracle with the person, but it reaffirms my miracle of myself.
On days when I'm not up --
GLORIA: Rather than saying, "I'm ill", you say, "Oh well, OK", or "I'm fine".
Without perpetuating your own "not fineness".
OK. I want each of you to identify some area of your life in which you want to
experience better quality. And then we're going to look for the idea that you own that's
prohibiting in inhibiting that quality for you. So you can begin to make your miracle and
bring the quality of life in that area that you really deserve.
So break up into three groups as you did last night -- not the same groups. A group
facilitates things in that there can be many discussions at one time. And then we'll come
back together and discuss what you discover. So make your groups a discovery effort.
Identify some area in your life in which you do not have the quality you want. You can
say, "I'm not as healthy as I want to be. My marriage relationship is not what I want it to
be. My education is not what I want it to be. My skill, my strength" -- whatever in your
life that does not have the quality that you consider optimum. And then we're going to
search for what is the idea that you own that is making this of less quality. We will look
for answers. So get into your discovery groups. Because what happens when you talk
about it is when you identify it -- even as you talk. You might start talking about
something else and say, "Oh, that's not what I really want to talk about. This is what I
need to know." And maybe that's all you need to do. But you need to get these
identified.
(later)
GLORIA: (apparently taking a Tums) I always come prepared, because
sometimes you guys really wind me up in knots you have no conception of. (much
jolliness) OK, where do you want to start? No excitement in the group -- what was all
the noise about?
(One group excelled in hilarity, another had the longest "needles".)
All right. Who is willing to expose himself to the extent that he or she can tell us what
area of life is being targeted, and what is the idea owned, in your current opinion?
GAYLA: Well, I'll talk a little about it, but I'm not positive what... (G.R.: Don't
worry about it.) Maybe this will help me. My health which has been my focus this week
end -- if I go back a ways, I recall when I was a child as long as I can remember, mother
always said I was weak and delicate. She would take away things I loved because I
would have to rest. I wanted to be a dancer, she took away my dancing lessons because
she thought I was too weak or sickly to physically handle this. But she made me play the
piano, because that's what she wanted to do, and she wanted to live through me in playing
the piano. I resented the piano and never did it eventually. But that left a tremendous
impression on me when she denied me what I loved and gave me what she loved. I don't
know exactly, I thought I had worked through that. I thought I had eliminated that. Later
on I find that I did what almost every kid did, I could wake up in the morning and have a
sore throat and not have to go to school. But that was one of those manipulation things --
I knew that she would go off to work, and I could be home all day. I liked to be home
alone, I still do, it's just my way to get time to myself. She was always willing to give
that to me if she thought I was ill. She was a nurse, and I resented very much that she
always would give me a pill. I didn't ever go to the doctor, because I was her kid, and she
didn't want to hear about it. When I was teen-age, she had pills and stuff she would make
me take. So I'm having some confusion transferring what the purpose of me being so
sick now is. I don't like to be fussed over, in fact I don't like it at all. I would much
prefer to be left alone when I'm feeling bad.
GLORIA: You just stated the idea. You like to be alone, and when you get sick,
you feel crowded. When we got sick, we had three of us in the same car and the same
motel room for three weeks, and we all got sick, because every one of us needs
aloneness. We got too crowded. We own the idea that being sick is the way we can
retreat from the world and be alone, and it is approved.
We are talking about the idea that you own. That is what you are attached to. You own
that idea.
BETTY: (as if Gayla) And if I let him (Len) treat me now, he'll want to treat me every
time that I want to be alone. That's what she (Gayla) was saying last night.
GLORIA: That's another issue. I don't think that has anything to do with this.
What we need to know is why she manifest the illness in the first place that brings up the
subject of treatment. And she owns the idea that being sick allows her to retreat and be
alone. And she's finding out that that's not true, because he's there.
GAYLA: You know, I think I might be getting somewhere, because this is really
true. When they called me, I didn't work this Christmas because I wasn't well enough.
And I was able to get out of that without saying that I just didn't want to work. Maybe
that was too uncomfortable for me to say to my friends, "I don't want to help you through
Christmas". It allows me to not visit mother. It allows me to stay home and paint and do
the things that I would choose to do but not be permitted to, because I don't want to do
them. Thank you. I think I'm getting somewhere finally.
GLORIA: Now the next step in the healing process is to decide to make the
miracle and do what we did last night -- decide what the journey is going to be. Focus on
the journey. What's the first step you're going to take, literally? What's the first thought
you're going to think? What's the first feeling you're going to try to produce? What's the
first physical step? I'm not asking you to tell us now -- that's your task now as other
people talk about theirs. Listen, but in your time decide what your journey is going to be.
Whether you tell any of us about it or not is not important, but if you take nothing from
this workshop but that, you will have created a new life for yourself. GAYLA:
Oh, thank you. I do understand now that I'm giving my power to the illness, rather than
taking the power myself, and that I'm capable, like I told you, if I can say "no" to you, I
certainly should be able to say "no" to others.
GLORIA: But you're not done in all ways. There is still a lot of mental and
emotional support there for you that you may not even be aware of. Gayla might not be
aware of it, but now as you begin to look at this idea that you own -- If I'm sick, this gives
me an excuse not to be that supportive. But I don't want him fussing over me, because
what I want is to be alone. (GAYLA: Exactly. Thank you.)
Who else wants to try?
CLISTA: I'll try if nobody else wants to. It's this responsibility thing -- I want
more quality time on weekends so I can do the things that nurture me. And, because I
feel that I have responsibilities. Angus always tells me, "I don't care if you clean the
house. If you want to go do something, go ahead. You don't need to wash the books. It
will get done when it needs to be." He always tells me that. But I...
GLORIA: OK. That's the idea that you own. Can you specify what is the idea
that you own that produces this behavior and this feeling of resentment?
CLISTA: This is the control of my house? I don't know.
GLORIA: Anybody want to help here?
BETTY: Good women do this.
CLISTA: But I am very uncomfortable in messy homes. That bothers me. It
doesn't bother Angus. It bothers me, so I feel like if I want it done, I should do it.
BETTY: My mother told me, "Get married and you'll have a wonderful life."
She didn't tell me I'd spend 20 years with my head in the oven. It's that message that we
have. Clean house goes along with my image.
PHYLLIS: Plus, you're not good enough unless your house is clean.
KIM: I hear Clista's need for order because it feels right. I understand that.
She's sensitive to the energy of how things feel -- cluttered they don't feel so good. How
to manage getting it orderly without spending the weekend doing it is a challenge.
GAYLA: Hire someone to come in one day a week and do the heavy-duty stuff.
Releases you. Costs $20 to $30. It's a great joy.
CLISTA: It costs more than that, but it isn't the cost. I've tried, and I can't find
someone who does it the way I want it. We got a new vacuum cleaner to make the job
easier. She won't use it. She uses the dust cloth and spreads the dust around.
GLORIA: OK. Let's look at the idea you're owning here. The idea of immaculate
housekeeping that can only be done one way. You own that idea.
CLISTA: Well, I want them to use the vacuum system it's silly not to. It spreads
dust around when you don't.
GLORIA: You're missing what I'm talking about. We're trying to isolate or
identify to you the idea that you own that compels you to spend the time cleaning house
that you would prefer to spend playing or gardening or whatever it is that would be more
quality than house cleaning. So, we're looking at the idea. It doesn't matter whether the
person you hire doesn't clean the way you want them to -- that's not the point. The point
we need to find here is that idea that you own that compels you.
CLISTA: It's my responsibility, which nobody else does.
OWEN: Was this a pattern you acquired when your mother required you to do
the housework? Did you at that time have to develop a sort of sixth sense as to when
something was a little out of order and needed to be attended to, because that was your
responsibility? And it just got into an automatic response that things had to be in order
because it would fall to you to take care of it?
GAYLA: And there would be criticism if you didn't, or punishment if you didn't?
CLISTA: Well, there was definitely punishment.
GLORIA: And so now you own the idea that you have to punish yourself?
BETTY: She has it so good. She doesn't deserve it.
GLORIA: That's from your standpoint.
CLISTA: It's like I'm not worthy enough maybe to allow ...
GLORIA: Self image. Pain and punishment -- why don't we talk about pain and
punishment. I don't deserve -- I can't go out to play until my chores are done.
CLISTA: He tells me it doesn't matter. But it does.
GLORIA: So you have to begin to work on the idea that that is a falsity, that's an
illusion -- that you can't do something that is pleasurable until the things that are not
pleasurable are done.
The miracle that you want to create then is to release the attachment to that idea. And I
know it can be done, because my mother no longer snatches plates from people before
they are through eating. She'll even go to bed with dirty dishes in the sink. And she's an
Aquarian. I know that Aquarians can change. You can learn to detach from that idea.
So now you have to plan your journey. How am I going to detach myself from that idea?
How am I going to teach myself that it's alright for me to go out in the garden and leave
the kitchen floor to another time? So, one of the ways that that happens, one of the steps
that you take is that you force yourself to do it no matter how uncomfortable it is. But
while you are in the garden, you lose yourself in the pleasure of that gardening, and all of
a sudden you realize, "It doesn't matter. I'll do the floor when I get back in, and who's
going to know the difference? So why do I need to be uncomfortable about it?"
CLISTA: I've done some of that. When it's a really nice day (laughter), I look at
it and I say, "You know, it rains too much. I can't waste this day in here. I'm going
outside."
GLORIA: You are beginning to take the test.
BETTY: Another thing that I found that helps me is to look at the Wheel (of
Karma) and say, "Where are we at?" And if I want to move, I will be at Wants. I make a
list of what I really want to do most, and start from there.
GLORIA: Good. That's a good thing to do.
BETTY: I can give up stuff. The fish have learned to eat off the inside of the fish
bowl and clean it up. (laughter)
CLISTA: I gave mine away.
GLORIA: One of the things that you need to look at while you're planning these
journeys is that you're dealing with a very immature 3-year old kid. You're dealing with
an instinct of program in the DESIRE BODY, the ATTITUDES and HABIT PATTERNS
that compel you. And that's part of our job under MICHAEL to modify those attitudes
and habit patterns and change them. We change our attitudes, and we find that things
change out here. We change our habit patterns, and we find that painful things become
pleasurable.
CLISTA: You see, I have difficulty going away for a weekend. And do you know
why? Because I don't have time to do any housework or wash the clothes. So I said,
"OK. I'll just forget it all, and I'll come here, because I need to do something."
GLORIA: I think it's wonderful. And if being here is going to give you some
tools to change or modify that behavior, then you have done a much better thing for
yourself than staying home to clean the house and wash clothes.
CLISTA: I have felt it necessary in the last 6 months. I said, "We are going to the
coast." I would never do that, because I wouldn't have time to do the things I do on the
weekend. Just go and walk on the beach. I would enjoy that very much.
GLORIA: That would be healthy for Angus too. You realize that your discomfort
in compelling yourself to do these things indoors when you need to be outdoors, affects
him too. Not just in what he says to you, but it affects him physically, because he has to
then make up in the space of the two of you what you're taking away to fulfill this
compulsion. So when you leave that compulsion behind, and the two of you go to the
beach, you are invigorating him. You are building his VITAL BODY. You are helping
him maintain his state of health. And if you will remember, I told you that was part of
your job with Angus.
GAYLA: That ought to help. That ought to give you motivation. You're helping
him.
CLISTA: But I've come to the point that I have to do something for myself.
GLORIA: But you are doing something for yourself. And while you are doing
something for yourself, you are helping him. I'm not saying you are doing it from that
point of motivation.
CLISTA: I've done that all my life, worked from there, always helping everybody
and doing everything for everyone else, and I know it's time to start here now.
GLORIA: But while you're helping Angus, you're helping yourself, because
you're keeping him longer. So, it still goes all back to doing it for you.
BETTY: It's almost like a cycle of maturation in that when she was at this
enlightened level, you physically set yourself up with somebody who needed more space
today so that you can physically break loose from some things. But now that you've
moved on up, you see that not only do I want to do this because of him, but it's OK for
me to do it for me.
GLORIA: Yes. I think in sort of reversing that, Angus has enabled you to
develop a sense of self worth that says that now I am worth more than just cooking and
cleaning. I just can't get over the compulsions.
You never meet one challenge successfully that you don't find another one immediately
on the doorstep. That's MICHAEL, that's what we have chosen to do. And we can meet
him or we can run away from him and do it another day, but you're not going to escape.
JEAN: Can we go on with me, because it's the same thing only a different stage
of life.
GLORIA: Sure. Because each one that speaks is going to bring more
enlightenment for the rest of us.
SIDNEY: Jean's problem is that she wants to clean her house. (laughter)
JEAN: And relinquish. But I have to have more joy and do more of what I want
to do, and write the book -- that's the thing that I want to do, but I am not accomplishing.
BETTY: Which would you rather have, a clean house or a book?
JEAN: I want both. (laughter) And I think I can have both. But I just have to
recognize that, and recognize what I have to do, and be willing to pay for it.
GLORIA: What's the idea that you own?
JEAN: Well, I think that I'm not worthy enough of it.
MAXINE: Jean, you have the idea that "I have to do it".
GLORIA: Yes. Why does she have to do it? Because she is not worthy.
MAXINE: But if she realizes too that you can keep thinking, "I have to do these
things".
GLORIA: Well, that is part of the detachment process, reversing the way you
think about it.
JEAN: And that's what I'm trying to... There is something that I have to let go
of.
GLORIA: What is that something? What is the idea that you own that you are so
attached to?
JEAN: I have to be perfect.
GLORIA: I can identify with that.
JEAN: And I have to know. You said that we don't have to know. (GLORIA:
It's OK not to understand.) It's OK not to understand. And also, time is running out, and
I want to make the most of the time, and be in control of myself and be in control of my
environment so that I'm not a burden on anyone else and detract from their space. And
yet I want to keep in touch and be included. But I want to be alone.
GLORIA: You have to allow for time to clean the house, write the book, to be
together, and to be alone.
BETTY: Jean, you want to be in control of what, your life, what was it?
JEAN: I want to be in control of my body, so that my body is healthy. And in
control of my environment so that it isn't a burden on anyone else.
BETTY: And what was it the Teachers suggested you work on?
JEAN: Control and relinquishment. (laughter)
GLORIA: Let me suggest something to you. Now this is only a suggestion, but
your children came through you. They chose you as their mother from a wider
perspective of knowledge and understanding, and you're looking at it from this little tiny
Jean-point-of-view, "I don't want to be a burden on them". Maybe you are denying them
the privilege of the growth they will get from taking care of your needs, and you need
them to do so. Look how much growth I have gotten out of taking care of my mother.
And yet she really doesn't want to be a burden. And she's not a burden. We both have
problems. So as you control your environment and you control your body and you do not
put yourself or allow yourself to become needing something from your children, you're
denying them the privilege of growth, like honoring their mother whom they chose.
JEAN: It must be true because it's making me cry. I have to take responsibility,
and so I sent valentines. The result was that one couple said, "Come and do this which
we were going to do anyway, but we didn't know you would enjoy it with us." We had a
wonderful day. The three of us really enjoyed it.
***GLORIA: The more you control your environment, the more you exclude
your children from your life. Until they can be an effective part, until they feel needed
and you accept their services, then you are excluding them.
JEAN: I didn't want to have to ask, except when I insist, they are right there.
GLORIA: They want to be, Jean. They opted you as their mother. They chose
you. So you've got to consider how much you are denying them when you're saying, "I
am going to stay in control of my life. I'm going to control my environment. I'm not
going to be a burden on my children." You're denying them the privilege of growth in
being intimate with you. There is nothing more intimate making than caring for someone
who needs you.
JEAN: But I don't want to be sick. Is that what these two sicknesses...
GLORIA: It could have been a lesson for you. You do not have to be sick. You
do not have to be a sick burden on your children. Stop looking at yourself as a burden.
Start looking at yourself as a privilege for your children to share your life. Every time I
begin to resent being tied down by my mother, instead of reminding myself that I made
that commitment to her, I remind myself that I chose her.
JEAN: Betty, I hope you are writing this down so that I can remember it.
BETTY: No, Sidney remembers it all. (laughter)
GLORIA: Issues between parents and children very often are caused by our
traditional concept, our American traditional concept. It's not so much traditional -- it's
the latter half of this century -- that children should not have to take care of their parents.
That parents are being a burden on their children. Remember that you chose your
parents, and it is your honor and your privilege to grow by taking care of their needs.
GAYLA: Then all of those residence houses are for big business? They aren't for
consideration of the family.
GLORIA: Not at all. They don't promote family life at all. Not at all.
BETTY: Yah but. I'm going to say that from my perspective that is a bunch of
(barnyard term).
GLORIA: OK, Yah But. Look at it from your perspective. You chose your
mother, not to take care of her, but to experience this conflict. But we're addressing
Jean's issue of control that "I'm going to deny my children the privilege of sharing my old
years".
BETTY: Yes, yes. But what we were saying, it's an honor to take care of them
and not do something else.
GLORIA: No, no, no. You added something there. You added, "And not do
something else". I didn't say that.
BETTY: It came up to nursing homes and all this kind...
GLORIA: You can still take care of your parents and have them in a nursing
home. You can still share in their lives. You can spend time with them. You can read to
them. You can talk with them. You can sit and hold their hand. If they have Alzheimer’s
and don't even know you're there as far as you can tell, the Sacred Self knows you are
there.
BETTY: But there is no such place this far away. You have to be physically
there to be there.
GLORIA: I'm not talking about all situations here.
BETTY: I'm talking about even in the next room, a walk away. I'm afraid what
I'm hearing is, "I don't want to have to be any place because I am needed". Because I see
that as being down low on it, and I see that as being a trap. I want to be there because I
am wanted, not because I...
Last Edited 3/23/19
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